Noticed that I hadn't blogged since January so figured it was only right to fill you in...
1. Still working at the sales job, but have managed to become the top volume rep. I worked hard to get there, but now that I'm there, I can only thank God for rewarding my determination. Also recently negotiated a 4-day work week with my program director which means more time to do me!
2. I'm somewhat aggressively dating now. Got a few (more than I've ever had before) women that I'm currently "talking to". I'm learning more and more about what I like/dislike in a woman. At times, phone ringing and text message notifications can get overwhelming, but I'm getting better everyday at managing the "team".
3. Finally moving out to a new place at the beginning of next month (pics will follow). I'm both excited and nervous because this will be the 1st time in my life that I will live all by myself. I plan on sleeping nekkid for at least the 1st 3 months.
4. Got back in touch with the ex and we are trying this whole "friends" thing. She's since got a new man that she's been dating for about 6 months, but dude is overseas for a year right now so I kinda feel like she uses me to be her "boyfriend" but not sometimes. Honestly, I still have feelings for her and I see myself having to step back from her sometime in the future because I find myself neglecting my "team" because I'm chillin with her and she already got her somebody. Don't wanna find myself hella single when her dude comes back because I gave her all my time. To be continued on that one...
5. Got accepted into law school and was going to go, but my loan fell through. Was EXTREMELY frustrated for a lil bit, but everything happens for a reason so I know God has something better planned for me. Letting go and letting God....
I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it all right now...what I can say is that in the first 7 months of this 2010, I have been extremely blessed and have I seen my life grow and improve in all the ways that I prayed for and more. I'm excited to see how the rest of this year will go...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Time Waits For No One...
Got invited to a wedding by one of the homies from college. That's the 3rd one that is getting/has been married. Starting to feel like maybe I should be looking for a wife. But then again, I've always felt like what's for me is for me...
It's funny because when I was in college, I was dating my ex through most of it, everyone said I would be the first to get married. Now here we are a few years later, and I'm starting to feel like the george clooney of the crew. No wifey, no girlfriend, no baby mama, NOTHIN. While I do enjoy the benefits of my very single status, a part of me thinks that finding a wife and getting married is part of growing up. Almost like I can't be a "grown ass man" fareal until I have a wife and children.
I don't get any pressure from my fam or anything like that...it's just me being my own worst critic again...My wife is out there. I may or may not have met her, but I do know that God has made her for me and I for her. Besides, I'm only goin through that marriage fiasco ONCE, so damn right I'll take my time...
It's funny because when I was in college, I was dating my ex through most of it, everyone said I would be the first to get married. Now here we are a few years later, and I'm starting to feel like the george clooney of the crew. No wifey, no girlfriend, no baby mama, NOTHIN. While I do enjoy the benefits of my very single status, a part of me thinks that finding a wife and getting married is part of growing up. Almost like I can't be a "grown ass man" fareal until I have a wife and children.
I don't get any pressure from my fam or anything like that...it's just me being my own worst critic again...My wife is out there. I may or may not have met her, but I do know that God has made her for me and I for her. Besides, I'm only goin through that marriage fiasco ONCE, so damn right I'll take my time...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Self Awareness
I purchased this book from the store yesterday because this book covers a topic that I know that I want to gain more knowledge of; emotional intelligence. It offers an "emotional intelligence appraisal" online and after taking it, I was told that the 2 areas that I really needed to concern myself with are self awareness and social awareness. I readily agreed that I needed to work on my self awareness (what twenty something doesn't?) but was kind of surprised at the conclusion about my social awareness. Either way, I have decided to work on my self awareness first and the book has given me strategies that I can use to develop my self awareness. I must say, in reading the chapter on self awareness, I am noticing myself already reexamine situations, some recently even, and note how I could have handled them better. Case in point, I'm one of those people that tend to feel some anger when someone disagrees with me. As much as I try to manage it internally, I know that the people I am disagreeing with sense my resentment towards them. I need to do a better job of recognizing that anger when it first builds in order to better manage that emotion. Also, today at work, I became frustrated at one of my coworkers and disrespected him in front of some other coworkers. That is never acceptable and I could tell that it hurt his feelings but at the time I didn't care. I need to be a man and apologize to him tomorrow and have some constructive conversation so it doesn't turn into a festering problem within the team. Plus, for the most part I'm a nice guy, just sometimes that a$$hole can come out.
I'll blog in the future about how my self development is going. Honestly, just taking the time out to examine my feelings and my reactions to them is a great improvement in itself. Already going in the right direction!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Caretaker
So today I was kinda frustrated with everybody at the crib today. While I was at work, my roommate called me and said that the cable was turned off. I told him I would take care of it when I got off. I get back, handle it ($300 worth of handlin), and then I feel this overwhelming feeling of frustration. I was frustrated with the situation I'm in. After my man takin me in, and I'm assuming taking care of the bills, I get a job only to find out that in fact he WASN'T takin care of the bills and now it feels like everyone looks to me to handle all of the bills now (of which all have past due balances). I felt frustrated at paying $500 in two weeks to catch up the cable bill. I'm frustrated that I know next week there's gonna be another bill for me to take care of. I'm frustrated that I have my own bills to take care of at the same time. I'm frustrated that I'm taking care of men almost twice my age. I'm frustrated that having money hasn't brought me closer to them but made me feel more distant.
I know that he and I had a conversation about me possibly moving out last week, but there is no way for me to be able to do that if I'm paying all the bills each month. I feel like my bank account has a leak in it. A leak that keeps coming back. If I get a week to save a check, the next week something "needs to be paid" so I lose that money as quick as I got it. I don't want to internalize my frustration and eventually take it out on people I consider to be my friends, so I'm blogging. But this is, at times, very frustrating. My mom always told me never let someone take care of you, because eventually, they will lose respect for you. I couldn't have said it better myself...
I know that he and I had a conversation about me possibly moving out last week, but there is no way for me to be able to do that if I'm paying all the bills each month. I feel like my bank account has a leak in it. A leak that keeps coming back. If I get a week to save a check, the next week something "needs to be paid" so I lose that money as quick as I got it. I don't want to internalize my frustration and eventually take it out on people I consider to be my friends, so I'm blogging. But this is, at times, very frustrating. My mom always told me never let someone take care of you, because eventually, they will lose respect for you. I couldn't have said it better myself...
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Shouts Out
The homies One Chance got a cameo...For some odd reason...I'm startin to like Young Cash...Call me crazy...
Independence
Been a minute...I've been workin...A LOT...feel like there is always something that needs/has to be done, including now, but I feel like just venting in some way right now...
For the past 8 months or so, I've been living with one of my homies. When I broke up with my ex, I was pretty much homeless so I he allowed me to move in with him. In the past it was easy to deal with it because I had no other options at the time. Now that I've been working for a couple of months, I make more than enough money to move out and get my own place. He and I had a discussion about it and I told him the reason I hadn't seriously considered moving was because I didn't want to be the type to use people. I did that before and I refuse to be that person anymore. I didn't want to get a job, then all of a sudden leave, not doing anything to show my appreciation (a la helping out with bills or paying a portion of rent, etc.). He told me that if it would be better for me to have my own space, then he would have no problem with me making that move. That was Monday. So for the last couple days I have been thinking about moving. While I'm okay with having a roommate, one thing I have learned in this time living with him is that I absolutely cherish my own space. I have learned that my whole attitude can darken when I feel like I don't have my own space to just sit and do nothing by myself for a time, to the point where everybody I'm around feels my "leave me the f#@k alone" vibe. I talked to a few coworkers and they told me about a place where they live that has relatively good prices with a lotta space so I'm goin to go check it out this weekend. I'm still wondering if I want to take on the responsibility of my own place right now, because one side of me is considering the possibility of going to law school in another state, but I don't know...Like I said...I just wanted to vent...
For the past 8 months or so, I've been living with one of my homies. When I broke up with my ex, I was pretty much homeless so I he allowed me to move in with him. In the past it was easy to deal with it because I had no other options at the time. Now that I've been working for a couple of months, I make more than enough money to move out and get my own place. He and I had a discussion about it and I told him the reason I hadn't seriously considered moving was because I didn't want to be the type to use people. I did that before and I refuse to be that person anymore. I didn't want to get a job, then all of a sudden leave, not doing anything to show my appreciation (a la helping out with bills or paying a portion of rent, etc.). He told me that if it would be better for me to have my own space, then he would have no problem with me making that move. That was Monday. So for the last couple days I have been thinking about moving. While I'm okay with having a roommate, one thing I have learned in this time living with him is that I absolutely cherish my own space. I have learned that my whole attitude can darken when I feel like I don't have my own space to just sit and do nothing by myself for a time, to the point where everybody I'm around feels my "leave me the f#@k alone" vibe. I talked to a few coworkers and they told me about a place where they live that has relatively good prices with a lotta space so I'm goin to go check it out this weekend. I'm still wondering if I want to take on the responsibility of my own place right now, because one side of me is considering the possibility of going to law school in another state, but I don't know...Like I said...I just wanted to vent...
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