Relationships

The past still clings to my memories. I am busier than ever these days and my mind still finds time to reminisce. The good times. The bad. My lies. My mistakes. I can only comfort myself with the fact that people can and will move on. I know she will find someone to make her happy. For a long time, even after my lies exploded in both of our faces, I tried to make myself feel better by telling myself that we would end up together in the end. While a part of me still feels that way, I must admit that the little voice that says that is getting quieter as time goes on. I find myself asking myself if she called me today, would I get back with her? My heart says yes, but my mind says no. I know I'm not ready, and I'm not sure if it could ever go back to the way it once was. In my perfect vision for my relationship with my wife, or any type of long-term relationship, I want to be able to inspire my significant other. I want to be the best man she has met (or at least on the short list). I have tried the "let's grow together" thing and it just didn't work. I have realized that, before I ever get into any other type of meaningful relationship, I want to be the man that I want to be first. I want to be my own hero. My mom always said "If you don't love yourself, who else can love you?" I did love myself once, but I've since realized that love was superficial. I can't love whom I don't know, and I didn't really know myself. I'm learning more about myself everyday. I'm becoming a lot more conscious of what I do and say, and it is really empowering. I read this passage to my ex below once before, considering it yet another opportunity to showcase my intelligence. I understood the message of the passage, but I realize I wasn't living it:

The Prophet on Marriage
by Khalil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke again and said...
"And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:

You were born together,
and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings
of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.

(Sigh) Yet another example of the small but huge difference between study and application...More life lived....More lessons learned...