Baby Boy

When I left my (in hindsight) cushy law clerk job to pursue my interests in the music industry, I was excited. Excited about the possibilities. Excited about meeting new people, some of them famous (a lil groupie-ish I kno). What I was most excited about was jumping into a culture surrounded by risk-takers. People that "bucked the system", created new trends. People that were willing to sacrifice everything for their dreams. What I didn't realize was in that jumping aboard that train, I also plunged myself into one of my worst nightmares; a vicious cycle of dependency upon others.

My first job I worked for free at a management/consulting company. I consulted clients on legal matters, educated them on the basics of contract law, etc. How was I able to work for free and still eat you ask? With the support of my girlfriend at the time (whom I had to move in with to take the job) and my mother who always supports me even when she knows I'm being a dumba$$. Fast forward about 2 years, and I have another "job" (also free) with a more prestigious company, working with some of the industry's best and brightest. Then, my girlfriend at the time and I break up. Guess what Jody? Pack your sh*t and kick rocks. Ok. Bet. I end up moving in with another guy that I started working for (not quite free, but close) who also works with some of the industry's best and brightest. Fast forward another year. I attain my epiphany that I wrote about a couple weeks ago, and commit myself to finding a job and getting into law school. "Boss" notices the extra time I spend on the computer. He notices the law school informational letters I get almost everyday. "Boss" says to me, "I think you have another agenda, like you don't really wanna be here." I respond with silence (telling myself I saw this comin). "Boss" says, "I think it's best we part ways now before money shows up. You can stay while you're working out your job and new living situation." Ok. Bet.

Had a long conversation with my mom (my rock) about the whole situation and after she gives me what amounts to an hour long "I told you so", she says some deep sh*t:

"You never really learn who you are until you learn how to take care of yourself. Being able to build and sustain that kind of independence always gives you a hope. A hope that no matter what happens, you can get through it...See, that was yo daddy's problem (starts soundin like Charlie Brown's teacher)..."

Word. I've learned a lot about myself in the time that I've separated from my on-and-off SO of about 7 years. I honestly didn't know as much as I thought I did about myself. I really had no clue what to do without her. Were the things I wanted to do what I really wanted to do or were they things I trained myself to enjoy in a relationship? I have since gained much more insight about myself, but there was always a feeling of slight discontentment with my disposition in life. I knew it was time for me to take the next step and I know this is the impetus God has given me to make that next step. I have a new job (thank God!) and am currently dreaming about what I would put in an apartment that was mine, all mine. Ain't gonna be no ni@@a in the kitchen butt naked making breakfast (not that that's ever happened to me before, but you get the reference). If any ni@@a in the kitchen butt naked, it's gonna be ME.

I can't wait...

"Discontent is want of self-reliance; it is infirmity of will."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson