In 2009, I've tried to work on being less judgmental. I've spent a lot of my life judging others and painting people with large paintbrushes. This was fine with me until I was put in a situation where someone I cared about was (in my opinion) judgmental of me. It struck me when I pleaded that just because I lied, I'm not a liar. Just because I cheated, I'm not a cheater. I then saw the situation for what it was. God wanted to humble me. Up until that point, I had many discussions with people about my very "black-and-white" perspective on life. You were either right or wrong. You were either good or bad. It worked for me because my mind had created a world where I was always right and I was always good. When I went through that situation, for the first time in my life, I questioned whether or not I was a good person. I questioned everything about myself. Am I a liar? Am I no good for anyone? Am I really that selfish? For a few months I beat myself up. I became a recluse. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to meet any new people. I felt that I didn't deserve to be seen. I felt I didn't even deserve to talk to my family for a time. "They're good people, I don't deserve to associate myself with them." Not until I realized that nobody is perfect could I look myself in the mirror. I had to learn how to forgive myself. I had to acknowledge the many shades of gray that colour the world. Now, when someone does something that I think is wrong, I don't quickly jump on my soapbox and condemn. I don't even mentally jump to a conclusion about their character. I simply let it be. It isn't my duty to correct or admonish them. Change is an internal process not an external one. My only job is to focus on MY path, work on MY faults, and in doing that I hope to attract others who do the same and inspire those who do not.
"When we see men of contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves."
- Confucius
Showing posts with label I Was Thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Was Thinking. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Secret Life of E
I was bored tonight (if you can't tell by the repeat blog) so I decided to finally watch "The Secret Life of Bees" starring Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, and Jennifer Hudson. Yea I know. Grade A chick flick. But you know, a lot of them aren't bad, but I still refuse to ever watch "Waiting to Exhale" with a black woman again (long story). Anyways, the movie is about a white girl and her nanny, who run away from home and end up staying with 3 sisters who own a honey making business. Overall, the movie was enjoyable, but the purpose of this blog is a certain part of the movie. In the end of the movie (not a spoiler) the white girl makes a comment where she says she has "more mothers than anyone" or something like that. Basically she was remarking on how blessed she was that she had so many older women who cared about her around her.
This made me think about how similar my situation was to the girl's. I was in need of a place to stay, and some brothers let me in with open arms. Now I feel like I have more fathers than anyone. I work with these guys and can more than hold my own when it comes to business, but it is really a blessing to have grown a$$ men (as much as I hate to admit, I am not fully one...yet) to educate me about LIFE. This is something that I, like the majority of black youth, missed by being raised by a single mother. I have gotten the opportunity to learn and ask about things that I know I could have used through much of my youth. I remember watching Baron Davis's movie "Made In America: Crips and Bloods" and T.Rodgers, the founder of the Black P Stones (Bloods) said, "My mother couldn't teach me how to be a man, I had to figure that out myself. I didn't become a man until I was 35 years old." What struck me was that he was who he was, saying something like that. Being young black men, and especially in a single parent household, we all try to be "men" and do "man" things, like taking out the trash, or bringing money home. But we only do that because that's what the tv tells us that men should do. Too many of us lack positive male role models to stop us when we go wayward, to say, "I went through that so you don't have to." Lord knows how much I wanted that when I was young, looking for someone I could talk to about "man things", but indeed the Lord has a plan for all of us and He's said it's my time to learn how to be a man. It might be a helluva lot later than I would have liked, but hey, at least I ain't 35 :)
This made me think about how similar my situation was to the girl's. I was in need of a place to stay, and some brothers let me in with open arms. Now I feel like I have more fathers than anyone. I work with these guys and can more than hold my own when it comes to business, but it is really a blessing to have grown a$$ men (as much as I hate to admit, I am not fully one...yet) to educate me about LIFE. This is something that I, like the majority of black youth, missed by being raised by a single mother. I have gotten the opportunity to learn and ask about things that I know I could have used through much of my youth. I remember watching Baron Davis's movie "Made In America: Crips and Bloods" and T.Rodgers, the founder of the Black P Stones (Bloods) said, "My mother couldn't teach me how to be a man, I had to figure that out myself. I didn't become a man until I was 35 years old." What struck me was that he was who he was, saying something like that. Being young black men, and especially in a single parent household, we all try to be "men" and do "man" things, like taking out the trash, or bringing money home. But we only do that because that's what the tv tells us that men should do. Too many of us lack positive male role models to stop us when we go wayward, to say, "I went through that so you don't have to." Lord knows how much I wanted that when I was young, looking for someone I could talk to about "man things", but indeed the Lord has a plan for all of us and He's said it's my time to learn how to be a man. It might be a helluva lot later than I would have liked, but hey, at least I ain't 35 :)
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