Life Is Precious

I didn't talk about this a couple days ago, but the tragic death of Bengals WR Chris Henry moved me to blog...

Earlier this week, I met an elderly white lady at work. I made the sale, and during the course of our small talk, she revealed to me that she had a terminal illness. She had tumors in BOTH lungs and had cancer in her liver. My first response was to say I'm sorry to hear that, but she quickly told me not to feel sorry because everything happens for a reason. I told her that I feel the same way, but I wouldn't know how to react if the doctor told me something as disheartening as that. She said she was hurt at first, but her faith is what got her through the initial shock. She even said she had went on to get married (this lady couldn't have been less than 55 btw) recently to a man she met online. She then went on to tell me how she was on her way to visit family in Florida for the holidays and how excited she was. I never had met anyone who really knew that they were going to die soon, so I asked her if knowing that her life wouldn't be much longer made everyday more special and she said yes. She said that everyday is a blessing and healthy young people like me should feel the same way. We had a few more words before she got on the plane...

What stuck with me was first and foremost her positivity. She literally was looking death in the face and didn't allow it to defeat her. I admired her courage. I wondered how I could/would operate in the same situation and I have no idea. That is one of those scenarios that you couldn't really imagine it until you're in it.

The sudden death of Chris Henry struck a chord with me because we were both the same age. He, like I, had made some mistakes in his life but was doing the best he could to become a better man for it. The only difference is that his journey has been cut short before he could actualize the person that he knew he could be.

I thank God that he has given me the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, and I hope that he sees fit to grant me the opportunity to be that person that I see in my mind's eye. As I mature, I am learning to appreciate the journey as much as the destination. I thank God for that as well...




"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."
- Author Unknown

Options

“Choice of aim is clearly a matter of clarification of values, especially on the choice between possible options.”
- W. Edwards Deming

I would like to think that I was blessed enough to be a little taller, more handsome, and smarter than your average bear, thus being the reason I've always felt like I've had options. When I say options, I mean that I've always had an inner conviction that no one is the determiner of my fate but me. In any given situation, good or bad, I feel like I am the one that put myself there.

Currently, I am struggling internally with what I feel are my options. Behind door number 1 I have my new job. Like I've mentioned before, I can make some great money in a relatively short period of time. This would allow me to do some things I've always wanted to do, like spoil my mom, sister, and brothers, build a stronger financial foundation for myself, and to be honest, spoil myself a little bit. Also, my manager has taken a liking to me, and has made it known that he wants to put me on the fast track to management within the company (and another level of income). I fear becoming so in love with the money, that I lose myself and who I want to be. Behind door number 2 is law school. A law degree has been a goal of mine and I know that I have a gift and passion for the law. I want to enroll in a JD/MBA program next year. My struggle is would I want to do it part-time or full-time. I don't want to be in school for another decade trying to finish part-time, but I also don't want to cut off everything else in my life(something that I hear you must do to be successful in law school) to finish. Behind door number 3 is my current position within the music industry. Being in the industry, you know you're life can change overnight. No one wants to be left outside looking in at something they sacrificed so much for. Also, I and the people I live with have become almost family and a part of me feels like when/if I do take my life in another direction, I will be letting them down and burning that bridge.

In the little down time (lately) that I've been getting, I try to figure out what I want to do, and have bounced my thoughts off of a few other people. I'm trying to listen to what God wants me to do with my life, but I feel like I'm getting different signals each day/minute/moment...

Judge Dredd

In 2009, I've tried to work on being less judgmental. I've spent a lot of my life judging others and painting people with large paintbrushes. This was fine with me until I was put in a situation where someone I cared about was (in my opinion) judgmental of me. It struck me when I pleaded that just because I lied, I'm not a liar. Just because I cheated, I'm not a cheater. I then saw the situation for what it was. God wanted to humble me. Up until that point, I had many discussions with people about my very "black-and-white" perspective on life. You were either right or wrong. You were either good or bad. It worked for me because my mind had created a world where I was always right and I was always good. When I went through that situation, for the first time in my life, I questioned whether or not I was a good person. I questioned everything about myself. Am I a liar? Am I no good for anyone? Am I really that selfish? For a few months I beat myself up. I became a recluse. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to meet any new people. I felt that I didn't deserve to be seen. I felt I didn't even deserve to talk to my family for a time. "They're good people, I don't deserve to associate myself with them." Not until I realized that nobody is perfect could I look myself in the mirror. I had to learn how to forgive myself. I had to acknowledge the many shades of gray that colour the world. Now, when someone does something that I think is wrong, I don't quickly jump on my soapbox and condemn. I don't even mentally jump to a conclusion about their character. I simply let it be. It isn't my duty to correct or admonish them. Change is an internal process not an external one. My only job is to focus on MY path, work on MY faults, and in doing that I hope to attract others who do the same and inspire those who do not.

"When we see men of contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves."
- Confucius