A Great Man

I read the biography of George W. Carver entitled "George Washington Carver: The Man Who Overcame" by Lawrence Elliot today. I picked it up and couldn't put it back down. Whenever I engage in an episode of self-pity I try to think about the odds that those before me had to overcome. Reading about Dr. Carver and his accomplishments despite his VERY humble beginnings filled me with immense feeling of pride and gave me a definite source of inspiration.

What stuck with me most was a line in the book where Dr. Carver in his youth thought to himself during a personally trying time, "If God wanted my life to be easy and uncomplicated, he wouldn't have made me, of all things, a black man." I related to the fact that he could find humor in the midst of stressful circumstances, something that I believe comes from a deep inner understanding that it is all in God's hands.

I also admired his tireless and endless pursuit of knowledge. I too have an insatiable intellectual curiosity, a want to know everything about everything. I admired that he followed through with his curiosity to obtain a mastery of a variety of subjects, something that I definitely aspire to.

Last but not least, if I learned anything from his story, I learned the power of possessing a giving heart. Dr. Carver had an almost completely selfless existence. To be real with myself, I know I couldn't be completely selfless like him to the point where I'm dressing like a pauper and caring not about any form of income. I like nice things too much. But I do want to live more of a selfless existence. In the book, there was a point in Dr. Carver's life where he had to decide between pursuing an academic career and a career in the arts. He (obviously) chose an academic career because to him, a career in the arts was the path to a selfish existence. Going on to college and graduate school would allow him to learn a set of skills that would equip him to be able to serve others. I personally struggle with this decision almost daily between just going to law school or pursuing a career as a music industry exec. I know that I want to help others whichever path I ultimately choose, but I know that a law degree would allow me to help others in ways that a music exec could only dream...I wonder if I'm being selfish by doing what I'm doing...God and I are going to have to talk about that one...

Greatest...Website....EVER

http://www.howstuffworks.com/

You can find out about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING on this website. I swear I could spend days surfing this site (excuse my nerd please...).


PS - http://webbootie.com/ is a VERY CLOSE second....u kno u liiiiike it:)

Listen

To this cd...



RIGHT NOW...You'll thank me later...

Teacher?

I've always been a "treasure trove" of random facts and information. Very nerdish I know, but I've always soaked up random facts very quickly, whether it be from the zoobooks my mom would buy me as a kid, or I remember when I was in junior high, my mom would always buy cases of that diet snapple stuff and there was always random factoids under the bottlecap and I would make it my business to read and memorize every one (again VERY nerdish I know). Really, I've always had a gift for being able to read something, and store it in my long term memory fairly quickly.

Today, one of the homies asked me to start teaching "classes" to everyone on the team on various aspects of the music business, from music publishing to understanding basic artist contract language. It was not the first time someone asked me to do this, but I've always kind of avoided doing that because the idea of teaching makes me a little bit nervous. Not that I don't know the topic, but what if I say the wrong thing, or how would everyone feel about me being about 10 years younger than everyone else teaching them about the music business? They've all been in the business longer than me, so I get uncomfortable at the thought of teaching them something about the biz.

I decided that I'm going to go ahead with it and, as soon as I get finished with this blog, I'm going to figure out somewhat of a lesson plan for the "class". Again, as I've said before, this year is going to be the year of growth for me, and I've noticed that one thing that I've done a lot of in my life is garner a lot of information but never share it. And when I do happen to share it, it is usually in a unnecessarily condescending manner. Everyone I meet can quickly tell I'm smart, but there's a fine line between being smart and being a smart-ass.

I can never be someone I've never been if I don't do anything I've never done...so...class will be in session!

I Had To...

I jacked this from another blog...it was in an email...

[A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: "This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day.. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be t here the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.

She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... that I wanted to write "One of these days".

I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters, not times enough at least, how much I love them.

Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives... And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...

No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it. It holds useful messages for the soul.]

Marinate on that...

Just For Fun...My Top 5 Women

SERENA WILLIAMS



MELYSSA FORD



CHEROKEE D'ASS



BUFFIE THE BODY



BRIA MYLES



Note: Subject to change at ANY TIME
Note 2: This is merely a "Who I Would Most Like 1 Night With" list, NOT a "Future Wifeys" list. Takes a hell of a lot more than a phatty and a smile for wifey status.

GREAT Movie

I watched "V for Vendetta" today for the approximately 473rd time. At first glance, this seems like your typical guy movie full of explosions, fight scenes, a damsel in distress, etc. but in my humble opinion this movie is much more. The thing that I love the most about this movie is the absolutely impressive use of the English language. From the main character "V"'s first introduction, which is a monologue composed almost entirely of words beginning with the letter "V" (which caused me to go to the dictionary to see what every word meant) to the eloquence of all of the characters, this movie is a testament to the power of language. For those who haven't seen the movie, below I'm putting the opening monologue I referenced above in its original form and then a translation in more laymen's terms.

Original:

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V."

Loose Translation:

"Behold! Before you is a humble performer, cast, against his will, by fate, to the roles of both victim and villain. The face you see now is not just some mere facade of pointless theatrics. It is a remnant of the people's voice, which has since gone and disappeared. However, this past annoyance stands courageously reborn and has sworn to conquer the evil and corrupt, who promote greed and the violent suppression of free will. The only way to do this is with a war of retribution. It will not be a fruitless revenge, for the importance and self-evidence of this quest shall exonerate the open-minded and righteous. But in truth, this thick soup of words is becoming too excessive. So, let me simply finish by saying that it's my very good honour to meet you, and you may call me V."

I've always liked to consider myself a "well read" man, but this movie always inspires me to read more...

Just A Thought

I watched an episode of Intervention today. Intervention is a show on A&E where they show the trials and tribulations of (typically) white people who struggle with an addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.) and at the end of the episode family and friends come together to have an intervention where they try to force the person to either go to rehab or face being cut off. Today's episode was about a girl named Danielle who was addicted to Percocet. Percocet is a painkiller that causes similar effects as heroin. Doctors say the most an adult should take is 4 a day, this chick was poppin 50. She also had 2 kids and a husband and wouldn't do anything around the house because she couldn't function without her pills and (obviously) couldn't function with them. She was also diagnosed with clinical depression which she says led to her addiction. Anyways, to make a long story short, she went through rehab and at the end of the 30 days they showed her husband picking her up at the airport. I was amazed at how she looked like a completely different person. She had an entirely different glow about herself and it came through the tv screen.

While I was watching this new Danielle, a thought struck me. She had undergone this massive transformation in only 90 days. This woman had gone from a drug addicted mother on the fast track to an almost certain early death to an active, smiling woman in only 90 days. I thought to myself if she can do that, what can I change about myself in 90 days? What can anyone change about themselves in 90 days? It seems like such a short period of time, but if Danielle and others like her on that show can go from addict to clean in 90 days, what can I do? Just a thought...

HELL NAW!

First off...Vernon Forrest...DAMN...This is really starting to get creepy with all of the celebrity deaths in a short period of time. MJ, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Alexis Arguello, Arturo Gatti, and now Vernon Forrest. If these recent deaths don't cause you to appreciate the gift of life a little more, check your pulse.

On another note, I went to volunteer orientation last Saturday afternoon for an organization that delivers meals to the elderly and disabled. I used to volunteer more often than I do now, but, as I've said before since 2009 is the year of the growth for me, I'm striving to live a less "too busy worrying about what I'm going through" existence. Anyways, after the orientation, the program coordinator asks for whoever wants to schedule a volunteer time to wait by her office so they can do so. When I get in her office and sit down she asks me if I'm with any organization. I say no. She says, "So you're doing this out of the kindness of your own heart?" I say yes. She then says, "So you don't need to keep track of your time then do you?" I say no. She pauses for a second. Then she says, "So, just to cover my bases, you don't need this for any court-related thing right?" I say no. Now I scheduled my time and left the building. But when I got in my car, it hit me, "Hell naw! Did she just ask me that?" Now I'm debating with myself if that was one of those racist moments that happened to fast that I missed it, or if maybe I'm getting a little too Al Sharpton-esque and making everything about nothing. I still don't know...

Question of the Day

"Would the recent celebrity status of Amber Rose put Kanye West in the Bill Clinton category of men who can say, "Hey suck my d#@k! It'll make you famous!"?

Black In America 2

I wasn't able to watch the whole thing. In fact, all I really caught was the last hour of part 2, but in that too short hour I definitely was reminded of one thing: how incredibly blessed I am. I watched the story of Chris Shern (Sorry don't know how to spell his last name) and I thought how, so very easily, I could've been him. I didn't grow up poor, but I didn't grow up rich either. I watched my single mother with two children at 21, keep our family together when she only had $20 for two weeks after paying the bills, work her way through college, then graduate school, to get herself and her children a better life. I thank God so much for that. Watching Chris's story, I thought about my life and how whenever I think or thought about resorting to another less legal lifestyle to pay my bills, or take my girl out to eat, that little voice in my head (which I know is God) pulled me back. I understood Chris's frustration. Most men want to be able to provide for those he loves, and when he can't, it can definitely feel like the walls are closing in. Temptation calls daily. Especially when there aren't people in your life that pray for you (which I have thankfully). I saw the story of the older guy (I can't recall his name) that had the heart attack and a host of other health ailments. I thanked God for my health. I saw the story of the Harlem's Children Zone and I thought of my mother. She was my Geoffrey Canada. She always had high expectations for my sister and I. I believe today, the number one reason that I am the intelligent (I like to think) young brotha I am today is because, for as long as I can remember, my mom always said I was smart. She said it so often to the point that I felt I had to perform up to that standard. I attacked everything from the perspective that I'm smart enough to learn anything because my mom said so.

I thank God that I had the opportunities that I had in my life. I thank God for the various guardian angels He put in my life to help me through and get me where I am. Now by no means am I where I want to be or have achieved what I feel God planned for me to achieve, but I know I wouldn't be where I am without his hand on my life. That's why I have "God's Plan" tatted on my arm. I know He has a plan for me that is great and beautifully crafted for me and only me. Thank you God.

White Lady Named Wanda

I was havin problems with my emails on my blackberry (BB over Iphone ANYDAY homie!) so I called AT&T. Now, me being a AT&T veteran, I promptly pushed the number to get my a$$ to technical support. After a couple minutes, a nice lady named Wanda (who sounded like a white lady, never met a white lady named Wanda before) who asked the usual verification info. I gave it to her and I explained the problem about me not receiving emails and I was somehow unable to add an email account on my phone. The first thing this chick begins her reply to me with is, "My instructions say..." HOLD UP. TIMEOUT. Is this chick readin off a computer screen? Understand that I know that is what they do, but it's kinda like a Chris Brown apology. What you're saying might just be right, but it loses a whole lotta credibility when I know ur readin. Anyways, I go ahead and listen to what "her" instructions say to do, and of course, it ain't workin. Sidenote again: one thing I hate about technical support is they assume you're a dumba$$. They take you through the most basic a$$, probably never works a$$ stuff like, "Can you turn your phone off and turn it back on?" 99% of technologically illiterate people are gonna turn their phone off then turn it back on to fix any seemingly technical glitch with their device, so asking me did I do that is kind of a big huge waste of time ya dig?

Anyways, after about 20 minutes of her giving me pointless instructions that I KNOW aren't going to work and me thinking to myself, "Of all the people that had to be at work right now, I had to call in and get the new chick?" I finally took the wheel of this car speeding on the highway to "wtf"land and suggested to her what I needed to solve the problem. Her being new, she had no idea how to get me what I needed, so she said she would transfer me to her "technical team". HOLDUP. 30 SEC TIMEOUT COACH. "TECHNICAL TEAM?!" BI#@H AREN'T YOU THE TECHNICAL TEAM?! Anyways, I let that one go and then this chick gives me the whole obligatory crap they have to say before they end the call, and I wasn't really listening until this chick had the nerve to say, "At AT&T, our goal is to provide you with "one-call" service solutions, did I provide you with that today?" HOLDUP AGAIN. HELLS NAW! I paused for a second because I couldn't believe she could say something like that with a straight face. Listen here bi#@h, if you're about to TRANSFER me, how the hell is that a "one-call" solution?



To make a long story short, the white lady named Wanda transferred me to someone who knew what the hell they were talkin about and I got exactly what I needed. The lesson in this story is if you ever call AT&T and get a white lady named Wanda on the line, hang up promptly and press redial. At least for the next couple months...

PS - Please pardon my use of the word bi#@h. I'm sure Wanda's a nice lady. I just used that because I think that sometimes cursing can add comedic value to a story. Ask Richard Pryor. Go build a bridge Mother Theresa/Bishop Tutu.

Best....Song...EVER...(sort of)

Ordinary People - John Legend

I absolutely loved this song the first time I heard it...What makes this song even more incredible to me is that the more I experience in life...the more this song resonates with me...I think this is my 2nd favorite song ever...after Donny Hathaway's "A Song for You"

Current Playlist

Juelz Santana - Days of Our Lives



Verse - Buy You A Round



French Montana feat. Jadakiss - NY Minute



Jay-Z - Death of Autotune



Chrisette Michelle - What You Do

48 Laws of B*tcha$$ness

Me and one of the homies were having a conversation about this mean a$$, conniving, power-hungry, attention-craving, good d@ck needing, overambitious...juz SCANDALOUS wench. One of the other homies overheard us and was like, "Guess what her favorite book is?" I knew it as soon as he asked. 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.

Every single person I've met who said this is their favorite book has turned out to be a gaping a$$hole. I swear this book is like the "how-to" for f#@k ni@@as. Anyone who can read that book and with a good conscience apply those principles to their life is destined to end up somewhere HOT. Applying "laws" such as "get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit" and "pose as a friend, work as a spy" sounds like the quickest way to get yo a$$ whupped to me. Or maybe the surest way to die cold and alone.

Either way, beware anyone who likes this book....consider yourself warned...

Laws of Cell Phone Usage

I really really really dislike when people get in my car and get on their cell phone. Maybe I'm just old school like that, but I've always thought it rude to have an extended cell phone conversation in close proximity to anyone, ANYWHERE. If I know it's going to be a long conversation, I will excuse myself and go somewhere else. I find it especially irritating when I get in the car with people who don't seem to recognize that someone is in the car with them. Firstly, I dislike it because I'm one that likes to enjoy music in my car. It's one of the few places where I get to listen to music with no distractions. So when someone gets in my car, then gets on the phone and says, "Can you turn it down?" I really want to reach across them, open the passenger door, and boot their a$$ outta my car. I don't care who you're talking too, it's real easy to say, "Hey, I'm in the car with someone, and I don't wanna be rude, so I'll call you back in a minute..." See how simple that was?

Secondly, when you get in my car and get on the phone, I'm thinking "Well bump you too then..." I know I'm not the king of talking about nothing, I think I can hold some form of stimulating conversation. How you gonna just get in the car and get on the phone ALL the way to where we going? That's WACK HOMIE!

Anyways...I'm just venting...



a$$hole...

REAL SPIT

"People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."

- John Harrigan


That man said sumthin right there....

FEELINGS

I've always been, as most who know me would describe me, very nonchalant about a lot of things. Things that would typically get most people very emotional one way or the other really never seemed to affect me that kind of way. It's not that I don't have feelings about things or people, but I feel like I've gone through a lot of my life without really putting myself in a position to be emotionally vulnerable to anyone. I've spent some time thinking about why I've been that way, and I can only point to my childhood. I know everyone seems to blame their problems on their youth, but you can seriously learn a lot about a person if you understand their childhood years. The impact of those years on someone's life is truly immeasurable. Anyways, like I said, I can only point to my childhood. When I was young we moved around a lot. My mom was always getting a different or new job here and there, trying to get better financial situations for us and building her career. I remember every time we moved I cried about losing friends and going to a new place. Then I remember eventually, I just kind of stopped. It kind of became the program.

Not that I became anti-social or anything. I was always able to make "friends" quickly, I was always a class clown and I played sports. But I feel like I knew a lot about everyone I hung out with, but no one knew a lot about me. I would always ask people questions about themselves, but I somehow got through a lot of interactions without the conversation really turning to me. I had become very adept at deflecting and dodging "personal" questions.

This aspect of my personality has allowed me to "coast" through life in a sense. When people, even family members die, I rarely show emotion. Even when my dad died, I didn't cry until I saw his body, and I haven't cried since. I have somehow managed to disconnect myself from my feelings about most things with an ease that is almost scary.

I'm really focusing on trying to rectify this in my life. I'm trying to put more focus on the PEOPLE in my life. Really trying to let everyone that I care about know how much I care about them. Trying to become more of an "open book" to the people that matter to me. I'm much more sensitive than I put on, but most people would NEVER know it. I am beginning to truly understand what it is to invest in people.

I know this is the most important year of my life, one that I know I'm either going to look back on 25 years from now with joy, or with sadness. I'm doing everything I can to make it the former.

Random

Went to see The Hangover last night. I had heard nothing but great reviews about it. It really ain't crack me all up like I thought it would. The fat dude wit the beard is HILARIOUS. But the movie started off funny, then it just kinda got long-winded. I would recommend renting this movie to anyone that asks.

Played full court basketball for the first time in about 2 and a half years today. I got a text message from one of the homies I used to hoop wit back in the day, and he asked me to come out. I was TIRED AS SH*T, but it felt really good to be back on the court. I was slow and had a couple turnovers, but I could tell that it really wouldn't take me long to get back up to speed so I was excited about that. Really the best part was kickin it wit the homies after we got done for about 2 hours in the parking lot catching up. I missed them dudes more than I thought I would. I'm not gonna let such a long period of time go between us choppin it up again.

Hopped on the scale yesterday too...drumroll please...194 lbs!

I really ain't sayin sh*t...so I'm out...yurp

Oh Yea

I didn't mention that I spent about 2 hours last night getting a virus off one of the computers in the crib. The WORST virus I've ever seen. Computer had a blue screen of death. It shut the computer down and didn't wanna allow it to turn back on. I couldn't run any anti-virus programs because it blocked them, and couldn't go to any anti-virus websites because the virus had somehow figured out how to redirect my web search whenever I clicked on the a link related to anti-virus. I was very nerdish last night (especially since I'm rockin my glasses lately, givin the contacts a break) so now my new nickname apparently is Clark Kent. Funny. Whatever, if Clark Kent didn't hop in the booth and turn into Superman on this computer then everybody would be feeling a lot less humorous.

I swear. Sometimes I impress even myself. Seriously, what CAN'T I do (don't hate, rigorous belief in self is a GOOD THING)?

I'm Going In

I'm happy because today I cooked myself dinner! I made some Mahi Mahi with some sweet peas and corn and some pasta (yea pasta is kinda random I know, I shoulda went with rice). It hit ALL the spots. Now the reason this even deserves a mention is because I don't really cook. I have no problem following recipes, but I'm trying to graduate to the point where I just make stuff up in the kitchen and it comes out fantastic (like my sister can). Overall, juz chilled tonite. I let the big homie take my car so he could go handle some bizzy and everybody went to the studio, but I ain't feel like it tonight (I like to keep people a lil surprised when I show up to the studio). Did some cleaning, got up on all the industry info on the computer and listened to music. Good times it was.

I'm tired now so I'm goin to sleep kinda early, but I gotta do this survey for my sister before I go to bed. Said she needs it for class. FAMILY FIRST PEOPLE!

Looking Skyward

I think the word that best describes my mood lately is hopeful. Not that I'm one to ever lose hope, but I feel like the hope that I've always carried with me is seeping deeper into my very spirit. I feel like the hard work is really about to pay off (knock on wood). We've got a few deals on the table that, God willing, will be done by the end of the month. Nobody but you (and maybe your significant other)can truly understand the sacrifices you make to be successful. Now is where the real test of will begins. To make a sports reference, it's a very different mentality between a player who is at the end of the bench and the player that is sitting next to the coach waiting to get in the game. I definitely feel like I'm waiting on coach to put me in the game, waiting anxiously with my legs bouncing up and down in anticipation. I know I'm ready. I put in the extra time. I've done my homework. All I'm waiting on is my shot. It's coming. I can feel it in the air!

Here's my current playlist:

The Winner - Drake

All The Above feat. T-Pain - Maino

My Time feat. Jeremih - Fabolous

Me vs. Women

My current track record with women is, less than stellar, to use an appropriate euphemism. It's not that I attract less than stellar women. Not to thump my chest and say my game is so crazy, but I can honestly say that every women I've dated has been pretty stable. The problem has typically been me. The fact that I'm such an enigma, even to myself at times, creates so many problems for me in relationships despite my best intentions. A little over two months ago, I ended an on and off again 7 year relationship. I say I because I was the one that caused it to be ended. I had a physical and emotional affair with another woman, even finding out that I had impregnated the "other woman" (The baby was quickly aborted. Don't ask me how I feel about it, I don't know). I think about it everyday, replaying when I got caught, how I got caught, how I handled being caught, the hurt I caused to both of the women involved, the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. At the end of the day, I am where I am because of my actions alone, so alone is how I am. The thing that really vexes me is the one I cheated on was the woman that I cared about the most in this world, outside of my mother (which makes my actions even more perplexing, I know). We had many ups and downs over the course of our relationship, but I had always thought that no matter what, in the end, we would end up with the white picket fence, couple kids, and a dog. For the very first time in my life, I am beginning to truly question how my life is going to end up. Whatever I've gone through or done wrong in my life, a part of me always said in the back of my mind, "Don't worry too much, it's going to be alright." Now I'm not so sure. I'm in an emotional space I've never been in before and to be honest, it's scary. Again, somebody pray for me.

I've decided to compose a "soundtrack" to how I've been feeling lately...

Break Up - Mario featuring Gucci Mane & Sean Garrett

By Any Means - Joe

Love Of My Life - Case

Missing You - Case

Last Chance - Ginuwine

Missin You - Trey Songz

WHOS LOVIN YOU - JACKSON 5 - JACKSON 5

There you have it...emotional rollercoaster....But you live and (hopefully) you learn, and I know I NEVER want to feel like this again...Clarence Darrow said, "Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself..."...Time to buy some track shoes...