Me vs. Women

My current track record with women is, less than stellar, to use an appropriate euphemism. It's not that I attract less than stellar women. Not to thump my chest and say my game is so crazy, but I can honestly say that every women I've dated has been pretty stable. The problem has typically been me. The fact that I'm such an enigma, even to myself at times, creates so many problems for me in relationships despite my best intentions. A little over two months ago, I ended an on and off again 7 year relationship. I say I because I was the one that caused it to be ended. I had a physical and emotional affair with another woman, even finding out that I had impregnated the "other woman" (The baby was quickly aborted. Don't ask me how I feel about it, I don't know). I think about it everyday, replaying when I got caught, how I got caught, how I handled being caught, the hurt I caused to both of the women involved, the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. At the end of the day, I am where I am because of my actions alone, so alone is how I am. The thing that really vexes me is the one I cheated on was the woman that I cared about the most in this world, outside of my mother (which makes my actions even more perplexing, I know). We had many ups and downs over the course of our relationship, but I had always thought that no matter what, in the end, we would end up with the white picket fence, couple kids, and a dog. For the very first time in my life, I am beginning to truly question how my life is going to end up. Whatever I've gone through or done wrong in my life, a part of me always said in the back of my mind, "Don't worry too much, it's going to be alright." Now I'm not so sure. I'm in an emotional space I've never been in before and to be honest, it's scary. Again, somebody pray for me.

I've decided to compose a "soundtrack" to how I've been feeling lately...

Break Up - Mario featuring Gucci Mane & Sean Garrett

By Any Means - Joe

Love Of My Life - Case

Missing You - Case

Last Chance - Ginuwine

Missin You - Trey Songz

WHOS LOVIN YOU - JACKSON 5 - JACKSON 5

There you have it...emotional rollercoaster....But you live and (hopefully) you learn, and I know I NEVER want to feel like this again...Clarence Darrow said, "Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself..."...Time to buy some track shoes...

She don't like Gucci?

We have many discussions over at the crib about the hottest bad rapper in the game, Gucci Mane. Most of the team will tell you that he can't rap to save his life, you can rarely tell what he is saying, and he doesn't really know how to make anything above a "mixtape record". Me personally, while I agree with most of that conclusion on Gucci, I still like him. I can't really explain to you exactly why, he can't rap all that well, though some lines are memorable, he tends to sound like he's in a drug-induced stupor whenever he raps, and he rocks jewelry like Mr.T. All things that would normally eliminate him from my playlist, but what can I say, something about the guy resonates, with me at least, and apparently a LOT of other people too (check his concert vids on youtube). Now apparently Gucci and his team are trying to make the leap from "you're favorite trapper's favorite rapper" to "mainstream platinum artist" a la Jeezy. Now, at first I wasn't too big a fan of the idea, frankly because, in my opinion, Gucci is one ugly negro, and if you ugly, you better be one FANTASTIC rapper, which he most certainly is NOT. But then I heard this:

Obsessed (Official Remix) - Mariah Carey feat. Gucci Mane

Not bad...But then I heard this...



This record is CRAZY (again, in my opinion)! I think he's got a shot, would I put my money on it? Naw...prolly not...