Horoscope for 2010

Found this online today...I don't really do this horoscope stuff...but this is deep...


Year 2010 Overview

Whew! Feel that enormous burden sliding off of your shoulders, like you've been carrying around an overstuffed backpack for the last couple of years? That would be Saturn, planet of structures and limitation, moving out of your sign. Congratulations, first of all, on having simply made it through more or less in one piece. You passed through the fire and made it out the other side.

Now, what to do with that spiritual Medal of Honor you've earned? Well, for one thing, establish who it is you really are with both yourself and those around you. Your ability to quietly endure both the big and little outrages of life have served you well in the last couple of years, and many of those around you may have come to assume that either it wasn't as rough on you as it was, or that you are somehow made of steel. In fact, you may have come to the same conclusion yourself. Virgo has a reputation for being able to take care of others with the best of them -- but can you turn that same care and attention on yourself? That's the big question you'll be facing in 2010.

The good news (beyond simply less bad news) is that there will be all kinds of opportunities opening up for you in new directions as far as fun, recreation and romance. So take advantage of those whenever you can. You've earned it!




....crazy right?

WHO are u?

One of my homies is...to say it frankly, a manipulative, conniving jerkoff. The only thing is, everyone, myself included thinks he's a really good guy. Deep down. Somewhere. It's like he's two different people. He's capable of doing some of the nicest sh*t ever, and would truly kill a man for one of us, but he's also capable of doin some of the most disrespectful sh*t to us, and other people he cares about. Therein lies the conundrum. We had a somewhat "intervention" with him the other day where everyone got the opportunity to air out their grievances, and it occurred to me just after the conversation, that it wasn't the first time we had this kind of conversation with him, and it's not seeming like he's really doing anything to change. Do I think he's a good guy? Yes. But when I think about what he does, not only to us, but other people that he cares about, it makes you wonder which person is the real him?

This is opening my eyes, because I was (and honestly sometimes still am) like that. When I took a step back and examined my actions, it seemed like I was nicer to those that I didn't know than those that I did. I've heard that family are the ones that can hurt you the most, I'm assuming because they know the most about you and you allow yourself to become emotionally vulnerable around them. I know there were some cases where I definitely took advantage of that, and I'm not proud of it. It wasn't until I was put in a situation that I was forced to deal with the consequences of my actions toward those I "cared" about, that I truly made an effort to change.

I hope that he doesn't place himself in a situation where he has to learn the lesson the hard way like I did, but he is a bit older than me and they say it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I love him to death and look at him almost like a big brother to me, but I can feel myself beginning to feed him with a long-handed spoon and I don't like the guard I find myself putting up when he comes around or we talk. I almost want to sit him down and ask once and for all...homie...WHO ARE U?!

Showin' Luv

Check my lil homie Milla doin his thing again...GOOD LOOK!

New Music

This song isn't really new, but I had been waitin on this to get posted on youtube so I could share it...this song is just sexy as hell...nuthin like a pretty lady that can sing...

Christmas

Yesterday I did absolutely NOTHING. No christmas dinner with family. No visit to the homie's house. NOTHING. There were things I could have done, but I didn't really feel like it. I kinda felt like, since I had been working everyday, I felt like having a day when I could do absolutely nothing and it seems that christmas was my day to do that. It was kinda pathetic now that I think about it. On Christmas eve, I went to the strip club on a solo mission. It wasn't because I wanted to see some scattered a$$ or make it rain, but just because it was the only place near the crib that was open. Really I just played pool and had a couple drinks, and funny enough, my obvious "I could care less that your a$$ is hangin out right next to me, tell the waitress to bring me my drank" attitude made the strippers pay even more attention to me, even got a couple free dances. Got up the next day, took my pillow and covers to the living room couch, and sat my lazy a$$ there all day. Watched my Lakers get demolished by the Cavs, which got my phone ringin with negroes talkin sh*t. Watched "He's Just Not That Into You", which was a good movie by the way, and had some moscato and fatty food. After spending most of the day watching tv and texting, I decided to get my a$$ up out of the house so I went to go see "Avatar". In short, I would never see that movie again. Visually stunning, but the d@mn movie was almost 3 hours and it's EXTREMELY hard for a movie to keep my attention for that long (last one to do that was "Dark Knight"). All in all, Christmas was pretty laid back. Honestly, only thing that could've made it better was a pretty girl with a phat booty and good conversation (harder combo to match than one would think) to sit around and be lazy with me...But hey, can't have everything! Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and hope you have a Happy New Year!

Keep it 1000

A couple of the homies from work were havin a conversation about dating etiquette and the homie said if a chick eats more than him at any time during initial courtship, she's automatically off the list. Most of us immediately called him an uppity negro, who can't handle a woman who keeps it 1000, but then I took a second to think about it....

I took this one chick to the movies and when we passed by the concession stand, in true gentlemanly fashion, I asked her if she would like anything. She proceeded to make a beeline for the register ordering a large popcorn and a drink. THEN she asked if I wanted anything and I just ordered some milk duds (I think). Anyways, while we were in the movie, I remembered watchin her out of the side of my eye eating that big a$$ popcorn and washin it down wit that big a$$ drink. Granted, I already have a not so mild irritation about me hearing the sound of people chew and drink (for some reason it's like nails on a chalkboard for me), but it was made worse when I looked at my little box of candy next to her bucket of d@mn popcorn. Then, this vacuum asked me for some of my candy. Needless to say, her a$$ was crossed off as soon as I got in the car to go home.

Now, I would assume that this double standard would remedy itself the more a man falls in love with a woman, but even then, I don't think I could handle my chick eating more than me consistently, unless of course she was some bodybuilding chick, in which case we wouldn't even be dating in the first place...

Random I know...but build a bridge ni@@a...u already read it :)

Lightweight

I don't really drink...but I had a few rounds tonight...Lost $100 on the Saints and Cowboy's game...then spent more money than I wanted at the club tonight...I don't even really like the club....I juz wanted the homies to have a good time....I'm goin to bed...I got work tomorrow....

Life Is Precious

I didn't talk about this a couple days ago, but the tragic death of Bengals WR Chris Henry moved me to blog...

Earlier this week, I met an elderly white lady at work. I made the sale, and during the course of our small talk, she revealed to me that she had a terminal illness. She had tumors in BOTH lungs and had cancer in her liver. My first response was to say I'm sorry to hear that, but she quickly told me not to feel sorry because everything happens for a reason. I told her that I feel the same way, but I wouldn't know how to react if the doctor told me something as disheartening as that. She said she was hurt at first, but her faith is what got her through the initial shock. She even said she had went on to get married (this lady couldn't have been less than 55 btw) recently to a man she met online. She then went on to tell me how she was on her way to visit family in Florida for the holidays and how excited she was. I never had met anyone who really knew that they were going to die soon, so I asked her if knowing that her life wouldn't be much longer made everyday more special and she said yes. She said that everyday is a blessing and healthy young people like me should feel the same way. We had a few more words before she got on the plane...

What stuck with me was first and foremost her positivity. She literally was looking death in the face and didn't allow it to defeat her. I admired her courage. I wondered how I could/would operate in the same situation and I have no idea. That is one of those scenarios that you couldn't really imagine it until you're in it.

The sudden death of Chris Henry struck a chord with me because we were both the same age. He, like I, had made some mistakes in his life but was doing the best he could to become a better man for it. The only difference is that his journey has been cut short before he could actualize the person that he knew he could be.

I thank God that he has given me the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, and I hope that he sees fit to grant me the opportunity to be that person that I see in my mind's eye. As I mature, I am learning to appreciate the journey as much as the destination. I thank God for that as well...




"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."
- Author Unknown

We Got Next!

Shout out to the homie Kollosus on Block Ent! Got a record out wit Gucci Mane called Settin Standards. Also check out my lil homie Milla who got a cameo! 2010 is gon be some PROBLEMS!

Washington Post Lady

- My sister sent me the article by that DC chick about being a lonely young successful black woman. I'm done having that discussion altogether. The only ones seemingly even caring about the topic in general are single women and single negroes. My solution is how about you fools arguing about it try dating each other and see if that works out? Or maybe you guys are single because you spend so much time arguing about sh*t and not making it happen.

Me personally, I've never had a problem getting a girlfriend. When I wanted one, I got one. Simple as that. Even now, if I wanted to have a girlfriend, I know a few women who have definitely put their bid in. Not saying this to brag, but I've just never understood, how someone can't find a significant other. Even for most of the young successful black women I know, it seems to me that they don't have a man because they choose not to have one. It seems, again in my opinion, that if a woman is attractive, or even somewhat attractive, you can go find a man if you really want one.

Now I'm not saying that soulmates fall off of trees, because I know they don't. But I do believe that if you are a young, successful, good looking black woman and you can't find a boo to cuddle with through the winter, the problem might just be you sweetheart.

Simple as that, for yo simple a$$...

New Crack

Timbo is a GENIUS

Game is 2 Be Sold....

I was having a conversation with one of my co-workers after work over a short dinner about her "man, but not her man". She was a little upset about him not returning a phone call she made to him today and it was painfully obvious. She recently moved to Atlanta and is living in a hotel so I knew she didn't have anyone else she could literally look at and talk to so I offered her dinner and conversation...

We immediately got to talkin about aforementioned dude and she said it wasn't just the phone call thing, but it was other little things that led up to today that made her feel some kinda way. We had about a good hour or so of conversation, with me doin my best not to throw salt in dude's game, but at the same time, keep it 1000 with her (even harder than it sounds).

To sum it up, I told her that a woman's intuition is a muthaf@#ka. Most of the time, in my experience, that sh*t is right. And this isn't just because how women act towards me, but from situations I've seen wit the homies and their women as well. Their women will get a "feeling" and we go back in the homie huddle like "how the f#@k does this chick know that?!"

The part where the fellas get over and chicks f#@k up is when they ignore that feeling and turn themselves into their own worst enemy. When they tell themselves, "maybe I'm just crazy" or "I don't want to stress him" that is exactly the point that you my lady...dun F#@KED up. The OG homies passed it down to us with the sayin "go with your gut". It seems women didn't get that memo...

I also told her that next time, I'm chargin her a$$ for the game that I'm givin her. Steve Harvey and that "He's Just Not That Into You" guy made a killin off sellin the game to females. My dumba$$ been doin it for the free free for years. Not anymore chica/s. It's a new muthaf#@kin day. And I'm chargin by the light bulb. That means whenever a client gets that look on her face like the light just came on and I added a wrinkle to they brain, put some money in the jar homeslice.

Deuces.


ps - my bad on the cussin...I juz felt like gettin my Chris Rock blog on...muthaf#@kas

New Theme Song

PSA

It does NOT make me feel better, or make me think any higher of you, if you use something of mine and tell me AFTER you have already used it. In fact, it makes me hide my sh*t from you.




That is all...

This Christmas

I'm feeling really good about how 2009 is ending. For the 1st time in a while I'll be able to get (nice) gifts for my mom and my sister and also get plenty of toys for my little brothers. On the music side, we got a few checks comin in at the end of the year so that'll be some more money for ya boy to stack up a little. The job is hard. VERY hard. But I remind myself everyday how hard I prayed just to get this job and how I felt when I didn't have a job.

Looking back (is it too early to do this?) on 2009, it really has been the most significant year of my life. I'm in a totally different place not only literally, but mentally, from where I was at the beginning of this year. It almost seems so far away. It really is like they say, "What a difference a year makes..."

I'm anxious and excited about what 2010 will be like. I know it only gets better...

Congrats

Shout out to my girl Kalenna for the whole Dirty Money project. She's come a LONG way and she deserves the success she's getting right now. Tell me this track ain't crazy...

Car Pt. 2

I can't wait until Thursday to get my car. Me and my baby will reunite! We will never be apart again! I'm gonna wash my baby inside and out...and even take her to the mechanic for a check up! I luv my baby...

Car

I'm REALLY going to have to go get my car back. I'm sick of paying $20 to everybody when I get in the car. Seems like NOBODY can give me a ride just because I need one anymore. Every time I ask somebody to take me somewhere, first thing they say is I need gas money. I be giving ni@@as the side eye like "stop countin MY money ni@@a!"

Random Shit

- Today reminded me why I HATE goin to the dmv. I woke up around 730am to go get my license reinstated (praise jesus) and was kindly greeted by the slowest customer service EVER. They announced that they were "transitioning" to a new system and today (of all days) was the first day they would go "live". Being that I was one of the first people in line, I was one of the test tube babies for this "new system". Whatever system it was, it failed monumentally today because, 3 hours later, I still didn't have my license, and then they announced that they would return to the "old system" so they could get people processed. Once again, THAT'S why I hate the dmv.

- Went and saw that Twilight: New Moon movie. Don't know if it was just me, but I felt infinitely more lame watching this movie than I did watching the first one. It seemed that they were just a tad (sarcasm) more aggressive about tailoring the movie to prepubescent girls. Why were werewolves forced to run around shirtless with George Michael cutoff jean shorts on? And why were Edward's lines ALL cheesy romance crap like "Just you breathing is a gift" and "I can't see myself living in a world in which you don't exist"....When I left the theater I had to check my pants to make sure my manhood was still there.

- Biggie said the realest sh*t ever when he said "mo money, mo problems". I feel like I work now just to spend my check. When I was dead a$$ broke and jobless, all I worried about was working out and looking for a job telling myself, "the only bill you really have is your phone bill..." I'm a lyin sack o you know what for tellin myself that tale. Seems like everybody wants my money now. I looked at what I had gotten paid since I started and said "what the F#@K was I spending my money on?" BILLS. And moochin a$$ negroes who look for me to support their joblessness. THAT'S what.

- The homie juz got the new Blackberry Bold 2 and let me play with it for a second...I think I'm in luv...

- Someway somehow...I contracted pink eye. I had heard of it before yesterday, but for some reason I thought that was only a white people problem. God has decided to obliterate that myth by using me as the example...

- My aunt randomly called me today, saying that she had thought about me and wanted to invite me over to her house because she was going to have a get together for my cousin's bday next week. I found this weird because her and my uncle (my mom's brother) broke up a while ago. Also weird because I had always noticed my aunt randomly looking at me when I would come over for holiday dinner with her and my uncle. Ever since I came out here for college. She creeps me out...

- Got a little ego boost the other day when the wife of a VERY prominent music man came on to me in a not so subtle manner. And this isn't me bullsh*ttin because I have witnesses. What can I say? Ya boy's so handsome :)

The Homies

My mans n em, r&b group One Chance, recently signed to T-Pain's Nappy Boy label and have a couple cameos in the video for Pain's new single. Congratulations to dem dudes for workin hard, stayin together, and makin sh*t happen!

Real Love

At work today, I ran into a bubbly young lady who absolutely lit up my day. Actually she wasn't young, she was in fact a grandmother, but she had the energy of a 13 year old. Her vibe was absolutely contagious. I told her how great her spirit was and she said her mother told her that if you can't put a smile on someone's face every day, then you might as well be dead. She then brought over her husband who was just as affable. He and I spoke for about 30 minutes about his flight and then about his wife. He told me that he had met his wife when he was interviewing people to be his assistant. He said that by the end of the interview, he knew she was the one and actually gave her a kiss on the cheek and said he would call her the next day. Needless to say he hired her and the rest was history. He said his wife told him to quit his job and start a company. She said he would make a little less money the first year, but after that he would make more money than he ever had. He was scared, but he trusted her. She helped him start his company and sure enough everything she said came true. He ended up by saying that he owes all of his success to her and has been very happily married with her for 42 years and counting. He said he loves her as much today as the first time he met her.

Just meeting those two made me hopeful. After spending 5 minutes with them both, you could tell that those two were just MEANT to be together. I hope to one day have that kind of love for myself. While "dating" is fun for a while, I know the happiest moments in my life have been the ones that I have been able to share with a significant other. I believe that kind of love is out there for everyone. I guess you just have to be ready for it when it comes along. I hope I will be...

Grown Man Sh*t

I've been puttin people on this liquid crack for about a year and a half now after my ex put me on. I never thought wine tasted too good to me but this one is so sweet that I can drink this ALL day. If you ever wanna have a chill nite wit a lady friend or two...this is the stuff to break out. This sh*t gets the stamp of approval. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Moscato is liquid crack!

Family

For thanksgiving I was gonna spend the day at my crib just chillin and maybe ordering some chinese food, but instead my homie randomly came through and told me to bring my a$$ to his man's crib to eat with his family. I reluctantly agreed, but at the end of the day I was glad I went. His mom made some bomb a$$ poundcake and cookies that made my inner fat boy spaz a lil bit. After that we went on a liquor run and I found out that they don't sell hard liquor on Thanksgiving, only beer and wine (wtf is what I said too). Ended up playing this drinking game with the homies and some random a$$ females. Note, I'm not a heavy drinker, so I don't really do drinking games. I prefer to drink enough to get a buzz then maintain through the evening. Needless to say, I was the first to quit the drinking game. Took my drunk a$$ home and called it a nite.

While I did have a good time yesterday, I met some cool people and had some good food, I found myself longing to be with my family. I called my mom and she told me that EVERYBODY was coming over to spend the day and they cooked tons of food. I would've killed to be there. I even found myself jealous of the homie whose house we were at. As I get older, the more I realize how important family is. It is an indescribable feeling to be in a room full of unconditional love. It is a feeling we sometimes take for granted. I know I used to.

Boyfriend Material

Went out on a "date" last night. One thing I realized (I knew this before I went on the date, but this confirmed it) I am in no way at this point in my life boyfriend material. I mean from the outside looking in I may be, young, single, handsome, ambitious (got a job), but I don't feel like having a girlfriend AT ALL at this point. I'm at a very selfish point in my life. I don't feel like asking a woman all about herself, when I don't really care. I don't feel like pretending to be interested in what another person thinks. I don't feel like going to someplace or doing something that I don't really feel like doing to make someone else feel better. I don't feel like trying to impress anyone. I really just feel like doing what I want to do when I want to do it, and am currently very ok with operating that way right now. As for the date:

We went to the movies (to see Precious, which I wanted to see). I bought the tickets and the food at the concession stand (note: I paused after the cashier told me how much the food was to see if she would offer to pay for it. She didn't). She also kept trying to talk to me throughout the movie (which irritates the sh*t outta me). This girl has a habit of talking about herself waaaay too much. Everything can be turned into a story about herself. Granted, I'm not known to be the most forthright with personal information about myself, but at least if I'm going to listen to someone else talk all evening, I would hope that the person is engaging or entertaining on some level. You know one of those people who have the ability to draw you into their story? She's not one of them. After the movie, we went to the gas station where she said, "Pay or pump?" At that moment I realized how much I didn't want to be there. Now being a gentleman, I pumped the gas, but I really didn't want to.

Now understand, my momma raised me right. I know how to be a gentleman and most women who have met me would describe me as such. I just realized last night, how much I secretly enjoyed not having to worry about things like being thoughtful.


Now that I think about it, it may just be that I don't like the girl that I went on a "date" with that much. Because I don't. I'm gonna have to tell her that too before this gets outta hand.

Precious

I finally saw the movie "Precious" last night. I would say that I'm never going to see that movie again, but I would recommend that everyone see it because it is a powerful movie. I saw some promo material for the movie wherein Oprah says, "This movie is our generation's Color Purple." I must respectfully disagree with Lady O. While both movies possess parts that are difficult to watch, Precious actually made my stomach turn at times. I also think that the Color Purple left the moviegoer with a feeling that it all works out in the end, Precious does no such thing. Precious takes you out of movieland with happy endings and into the real world which is (at times) far more brutal and cold.

Ultimately, the overwhelming feeling of reality throughout Precious makes for a more soul-wrenching experience. I would tell anyone who hasn't seen it to do so, at least to put your life in some kind of perspective. Next time you wanna complain about something, think about C.Precious Jones.

ADD Blog

- I went to work today and didn't find out until AFTER my shift that I was supposed to be OFF today...my manager said, "Look at it this way...Your check is going to be a little bit fatter next week!" I told him to bring his a$$ in on his next day off and let me tell him that ol' "turn lemons to lemonade" bullsh*t". Das wack. Ain't no way to sugarcoat that.

- I got an email from my ex today saying simply that she forgave me for cheating on her. We haven't had any communication in about 6 or 7 months. Honestly, it made my day a lil bit...deep sh*t rite?

- Had a funny discussion with my mom on the phone tonight. She was suggesting (telling) to me that I needed to handle a situation a certain way. I argued that she was stating her opinion as fact. She went further to say that the way she would do it is the right way to handle it. I said how could she know if she had never been in the same situation that I am currently in? She went on to give the lame "mother knows best" trump card they all use. I then told her that I realized where I got that tendency from. I too would state my opinion as fact. My sister had always told both me and my mom about ourselves on many occasions, but today for some reason it hit me. We both had a good laugh about it...

- It has seemed like every day for the last week or so, I have signed up or ran into an attorney at the airport. I'm a believer that God gives us signs, and it's up to us to perceive them. I'm thinking that those "coincidences" aren't that "coincidental"....

- True story; me and the homies were having an argument last night at the crib about the music industry (like we always do) and an episode of "Desparate Housewives" was on. There was some scene where one of the girls was cheating on her husband or something and she was about to get caught, but her friend saved her. Tell me why somehow, in the middle of our conversation we all shut up at the same time and watched that whole scene in silence for a good 10 or 15 minutes. That's how you know you got a tv show. We represented in no way the target audience, but our black a$$es where sittin there in silence watchin this chick hide her jumpoff outside her bedroom window on the roof while she lied to her husband. We came out of it when my man was like, "Wait, wtf were we talkin about?" Hilarious.

Back on Dat Hardbody Sh*t

Got my black a$$ up this morning to go running before work...It was cold as hell. I was out there on my "Rocky" sh*t. Ain't no other ni@@a runnin through the hood at 7 in the morning (unless it's from the police). If you haven't noticed by my lack of discussing it, I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks. Starting to feel pudgy (it's all in my mind, but who cares). I got down to 182 at one point, as of last night, I'm 188.

Watch me now...

At the Barbershop Today....

This sh*t almost f#@ked up my edgeup...

Uppity Negro

I decided to take a short trip to the flea market around the corner today to see if there was anything I wanted (I was actually looking for a pair of sweats, but whatever). So as I was walking through the flea market, the first thing that hit me was the smell. Straight up, that place stunk. Then as I was walking around, looking at stuff, the little voice inside my head kept getting louder saying, "WTF are you doing here?"

I hadn't really been shopping at the flea market since around my freshman year in college. And in high school, the swap meet might as well have been the mall for ya boy. I remember taking whatever money I earned from my lame-a$$ job at Baskins-Robbins to the swap meet to pick up some more "Cali hood negro" uniforms: white tees, dickies, and house shoes. My mom hated when I wore that stuff, but you couldn't tell my wannabe Snoop-a$$ nuthin.

When I left the market (with nothing) I was thinking to myself, am I a bourgeoisie ni@@a? Am I Bryant Gumble negro? Naw, I'm just growing up. XXL long white tees ain't it for me no more. I like my clothes a little more fitted now (skinny jeans have not been, are not, and never will be it for me tho). I like for a chick to be able to look at me and tell I work out. My style ain't European, but it ain't thug neither. It's me. Ya dig?

Whenever I Get Too High...

This song brings me back to Earth...never forget from whence you came...

I fux wit this dude....

Jets ni@@a...now where haven't we...been...

Current Playlist

Just cause I felt like it...







You know u f#@k wit Flocka...OLETSDOIT!!!

This some bullsh*t...

Today the sh*t hit the fan...I got pulled over today for an expired tag, and found out my license was suspended. Thank God, the cop decided to have mercy and not take me in...he took my car and my license though...it sucks...but could've been worse :)

Took the taxi today...forgot how expensive that sh*t is...when I took the taxi home today, the a$$hole tried to play dumb and go the wrong way...After prompt correction, we got back on track. He got a couple extra dollars outta me for that wack move, but whatever...could've been worse :)

HELLO!....Hello?....HELLOOOOOOOO?!

My ex used to absolutely HATE when I ignored her. I knew that was one of her pet peeves. When I wanted to mess with her, I would act like I wasn't listening when she would be talking to me. She would sometimes get upset to the point that she would stop talking to me and might even look like she's about to cry.

It took me a while, but NOW I finally know why she hates being ignored so much. At my job, it involves impulse sales, where I'm calling people over to my table to sell them my product. I absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE, when people act like I'm not saying anything. I finally realize how small it can make someone feel and just how plain rude it is. When people avoid me, I find myself growing angry.

I found myself saying out loud that I would never avoid someone like that, but then I had to catch myself. I did it to someone. Someone I cared about. I'll never do that again. Karma is a muthaf#@ka ain't it?

But "so and so" did the same thing....

Imagine this. You and five of your friends come up with a plot to jack some candy from the convenience store down the street from school. One of you actually buys something while you guys act like you're looking while filling up your pockets with everything you can get a five finger discount on. Suppose that while you were all walking out, door open, seconds away from freedom, a pack of Starburst falls out of one of your friend's pockets. Everyone is gone out of the parking lot, but one of you is left behind. Well I was that guy that got left behind.

All of my life, I've always been THAT GUY that got caught. If 50 people did the same thing, I was the 51st guy that got busted. I wouldn't say I was a Bebe's kid, but I was your typical bad a$$ kid coming up. I did more than my fair share of things that, in retrospect, were INCREDIBLY dumb, but for some reason I always faced the consequences. My bad actions always met an opposing and equal reaction. I used to be a klepto when I was a kid. I always got caught stealing. In 7th grade, I changed a grade on my report card. BUSTED. In high school, on senior ditch day, who got busted? YA BOY. Had people over when my mom was at work. BUSTED. Drove with no insurance. BUSTED. Suspended license? BUSTED. I cheated on a girl. Busted for that too. The other day at work, I cut a corner with a customer...you guessed it...BUSTED.

I told my mom that I swear I've always had the worst luck of anyone I knew. We talked about how as far back as I can remember, I never got away with the same things my friends could get away with in their sleep. We had a good laugh at some of the stupid I drowned myself in coming up, but she dropped a jewel on my (like she always does). She said that God has His hand on some of us. Not implying that we all aren't God's children, but there seems to be some of us that God holds to a different standard. Like how in Boyz N Da Hood, Trey got outta the car when Doughboy went looking for Ricky's killer, God has a different plan for some of us, so he leads us in a different direction.

If I haven't learned anything in my life, I know there is a fine line between where I am today, and being young, black, and in jail or dead. I can look back to situations in my life where the outcome could have been completely different had God not have been watching over me.

For much of my life, even now, I have been frustrated by God's plan to keep me on the straight and narrow, but at the very same time, I am extremely grateful for God's grace. I am by no means perfect, and will never be, but it is good to know that whenever I get close to the edge, God always pulls me back.

Frequency

I'm getting on the right frequency. My man talks about how everything has a "frequency". A level of vibration. When you match something's frequency, you attract it. Like when you and someone begin arguing, but end up getting on the same page. Well I feel like I'm getting on the right frequency for success. Today at work, I (once again) improved on my sales numbers from the day before. Made some GREAT money today. And I found out that they are going to start paying weekly beginning next month. Also, my OG homey called me again asking me to do some more contract work for him. Mo money MO money MO MONEY! Also, I've met a few people at the airport that are very interesting. I met a Georgia State Senator who told me to come down and see him if I end up around the Capitol building when he's in session. Also, met Atlanta Falcons receiver Roddy White's mama (very nice lady btw). Also, gotten about 3 or 4 job offers from people who have said that they like my sales style. My manager and all of his bosses love me and have all been saying good things about me. Life is really going up!

HEY!!!!

Made me some money today!!! Had my best sales day at work and feel GREAT! Also did some contract law clerk work for my other big homey over the weekend. MO MONEY! I happened to put down the remote on Suze Orman last night (she talks some real spit don't hate) and she said that giving money makes you powerful, and people with money are attracted to power, so therefore by giving money, you get money. One thing I've learned from this time of being dead a$$ broke, money comes and goes. Not to say that money is unimportant, money no longer defines me. Therefore, I can give it away to others because I no longer feel like when I am giving away money, I am giving away my status. Example, when I did the contract work for the big homey, soon as he paid me, I offered money to my man that hooked it all up for me. He deserved that because I recognized that without his good word, I wouldn't have gotten the money in the first place. Most lame a$$ negroes wouldn't even think of doing that. THAT is called APPRECIATION. Most people SAY they appreciate things, but few ACT appreciative. I used to be the former, but am striving more and more everyday to become the latter. Say thank you more often. It not only applies to money, the more you give of anything, the more you get! My man calls it the law of reciprocity. Look it up...

Lil Boy Crushes

I usually have no problem talking to a woman, even one of the them "model chicks" that most dudes won't even approach...But these chicks...for some reason...I think I would juz smile and cheese like a lil boy if they ever spoke to me...








I'm lyin...U know I'd GET IT IN :)

Current Playlist

42.3%

I met an "interesting" young lady at work today. She works at the same place but for a different company. I had gotten to work a little early today and she had said hello to me a few times but today she decided to stop and speak for a lil bit. We got to talkin about the usual, hometowns, how long you been in atlantas, whoopty whoop...She tells me about her education aspirations and how she wants to go back to get her masters...I tell her about my law school ambitions. After a lil while she pauses for a second and says, "You're rare." I asked her how so, and she said she was referring to me being young, educated, with a job, and being a black man with no kids made me somewhat of a rarity. She went on to say she had cousins and friends that were looking for a man...I didn't respond. Frankly, I didn't know what to say to that...

I've heard many times about how hard it is for black women to find men that are "on their level". What is perplexing to me is how women are the main ones that are propagating this idea. From conducting studies to show it, to making movies regarding it, I fail to understand why women so openly indulge in what seems to be (to me) negative thinking. I know single black men that have jobs, cars, and cribs and they will say that it's hard to find a "good woman".

I'm a believer that it's all a matter of perception. I think if you get what you attract. I have (so far) always found myself attracting those type of women that most men would consider "wifey material". I don't have any kind of special game I kick, nor do I pay much attention to hanging out with the "right" kind of crowds. I just seem to attract "good" women. I would like to believe it is because I'm a "good" man (most of the time). That is not to say that if you haven't met a "good" man/woman, there is something wrong with you, it could just be that it isn't in God's plan for you to have found your SO yet. But I do believe that there are many more "good" people on this Earth than society would like to acknowledge, and if you've lived all of your life and haven't met a "good" SO...then...

Options

“Choice of aim is clearly a matter of clarification of values, especially on the choice between possible options.”
- W. Edwards Deming

I would like to think that I was blessed enough to be a little taller, more handsome, and smarter than your average bear, thus being the reason I've always felt like I've had options. When I say options, I mean that I've always had an inner conviction that no one is the determiner of my fate but me. In any given situation, good or bad, I feel like I am the one that put myself there.

Currently, I am struggling internally with what I feel are my options. Behind door number 1 I have my new job. Like I've mentioned before, I can make some great money in a relatively short period of time. This would allow me to do some things I've always wanted to do, like spoil my mom, sister, and brothers, build a stronger financial foundation for myself, and to be honest, spoil myself a little bit. Also, my manager has taken a liking to me, and has made it known that he wants to put me on the fast track to management within the company (and another level of income). I fear becoming so in love with the money, that I lose myself and who I want to be. Behind door number 2 is law school. A law degree has been a goal of mine and I know that I have a gift and passion for the law. I want to enroll in a JD/MBA program next year. My struggle is would I want to do it part-time or full-time. I don't want to be in school for another decade trying to finish part-time, but I also don't want to cut off everything else in my life(something that I hear you must do to be successful in law school) to finish. Behind door number 3 is my current position within the music industry. Being in the industry, you know you're life can change overnight. No one wants to be left outside looking in at something they sacrificed so much for. Also, I and the people I live with have become almost family and a part of me feels like when/if I do take my life in another direction, I will be letting them down and burning that bridge.

In the little down time (lately) that I've been getting, I try to figure out what I want to do, and have bounced my thoughts off of a few other people. I'm trying to listen to what God wants me to do with my life, but I feel like I'm getting different signals each day/minute/moment...

FELLAS ONLY

WOW

Thinking Man's Moment

How is every show on CBS TV's #1 show?




just asking...

Today Was A Good Day

Today was looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong...but it was worth it. I made some great money today. Plus, I outsold the guy who trained with me, so HOWBOUTDEMAPPLES?!

I was feeling a little bit down because it was still less than some of my co-workers, but my boss told me that I only sold one less than he did his first day, so I felt much better. I'm on my way to six figures (yes at this job you can make six figures)! I can feel it!

Also, had a good conversation with a chick who works where I work while she attends law school part time. She told me to give her a call if I ever want to talk more about it with her (think she was tryin to holla).

Lastly, got a stalker today. Some chick I sold the product to. She was waiting on her flight and decided to sit by me for a couple hours while I was working, trying to make conversation (way too thirsty). We had a few jokes at her expense (not to her face tho..)

All in all...today was a good day...OOH WOWU!

Work Theme Song

I will now be listening to this song before I go to work from now on...and will be humming it in my head the whole day tomorrow as well...



Not hatin on the O'Jays original...but in my day...we kicked the ballistics!

Competitive Streak

I'm competitive. I'm talking so competitive that if we're competing I hate you, and it might even continue after we've stopped competing because I've told myself how much I don't like you that it's hard to just turn that feeling off. I've always been an athlete. I played baseball, basketball, football, and soccer when I was little, until I decided I wanted to play just basketball and played that throughout school.

Anyways, at the job, me and this other guy James (not his name) are training together for our sales job. Today he and I had to sell the product to 20 people apiece so we could get the opportunity to get off of the training salary and start making our own commission off of our sales. So me being competitive, I got to work an hour early so I could get a head start. I get there and I run into one of my new co-workers who says, "Yo E! I'm glad you're here. I need to take a quick break and go to the bathroom. Can you watch my area for a second?" Honestly, my head was saying, "Hell no negro", but my mouth said yes. So he races off with his phone to his ear and says he's also going to call my trainer and let him know I'm here. That quick break turns into 30 minutes, at which point I'm disgusted with dude I'm covering for because this wasn't the purpose of me coming in early. He finally comes back and I make note to never cover for this ni@@er (notice the "er") again.

So he smashes my head start plan and we really end up beginning at the same time. As the day goes on, I'm 1 or 2 sales ahead of James all day. It slows down for a time, and James catches up to me, but I close out the day with a quick group of 4 to finish up with 19 for the day. So as we walk back to the breakroom, my trainer says that our manager wants to meet with us before we go to explain what the next step is, and he's going to decide whether or not we get off of the training schedule to commission pay. My trainer says that me and James are ready to make commission and we should be on commission tomorrow.

So we get into the breakroom and our manager comes in. He tells me to wait and tells James to come to the next table so he can have a short talk with him. My gut says something is wrong because if we were both good than he would've just came in and said we're both ready and sent us on our way. Anyways, I hear our manager tell James that he's ready and will begin commission work tomorrow. My mind instantly yells out "MAN THIS SOME BULLSH*T!" My manager calls me over and says that I did a good job today, but (of all people) my TRAINER says that I'm not aggressive enough therefore I need another training shift. At this point I want to spaz, but I play it off pretty well. He offers me the "opportunity" to come in and work the 1st shift as a trainee, then work the 2nd shift on commission. I say I will (meanwhile in my mind, I'm beatin to the white meat the heads of James and my trainer).

As I was driving home, I was thinking how I should address this. Now I feel some kinda way towards my trainer for, it seems, not keeping it 100 with me and telling me he was gonna throw salt before I have to hear it from my manager. Also, as I was making one of my last sales, one of my customers told my trainer how good of a salesman I was! Now I also thought that maybe my manager put it on my trainer because he ain't wanna man up. I thought that maybe tomorrow I would address it with my trainer tomorrow, but I've decided to say f@ck it and run with it because I'm still getting paid for training so I have an opportunity to make a lot of money tomorrow if I take advantage (way to turn lemons into lemonade right?)

In conclusion, I'm working from 6:45am - 8pm tomorrow. Ain't dat bout a b!tch?

Cheaters

At my job, I've noticed that most of the guys that work there are married with children. And from what it seems, happily married. Working at the airport, you see beautiful women all over the place. Hartsfield is the busiest airport in the world, so as you can expect, beautiful people from all over the country fly through daily. What I can't understand is virtually all of the married men are so openly "thirsty" after other women. Telling me how to get numbers without appearing to be flirting and the like. I make an effort to not venture to assume anything about the status of their marriages, but I do question how you are bold enough to "holla" with a wedding ring on.

While I was in college, my ex and I wore something akin to promise rings on our wedding fingers (I had discussed to her a friend of mine that was doing that and she suggested we do the same...long story short). Me personally, I felt that the ring was a constant reminder of her. We were dating long distance at the time, and I kind of felt like Frodo from Lord of the Rings, when I put the ring on she was watching me. Needless to say, there was no cheating during that time (could have also been to us still being in the somewhat honeymoon period, but that's neither here nor there).

Let me qualify by saying that I have cheated in the past. But I won't go as far as saying that I am a cheater (I believed I addressed this in an earlier blog). But one thing that I know I will not do is cheat on my wife. I've had this conversation with a few friends of mine who also agree that they will not cheat on their wife. Most of the thinking behind this I've found is based on the idea that marriage is a vow before God, thus it is placed on a higher pedestal than dating someone (most men do value marriage more than women think they do btw).

Now I've heard the "once a cheater, always a cheater" and "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", but I disagree with the premise that people don't change. I agree that you can't change people, but that doesn't mean that they cannot change themselves. In fact, I believe people are in a perpetual state of change. When you fail to change, you begin to die. I also believe anyone can change anything they want to about themselves, with hard work, determination, and God.

I haven't discussed this much with women, so I don't know if they judge a difference between say, dating someone for 2-3 years, and marrying them, but I will say that for most men, at least the ones that I know, there is a HUGE difference.

Job

1st day on the job was today...to sum it up...I'm tired...goodnite.

Current Playlist

Dr. Seuss

I read this book the other day. I missed it, but I was doing my nerdy habit of wikipedia-ing (not a word I know) random persons, places, and things, and found out that this book is typically a present for resent graduates and/or people going through significant changes in their lives and I found this book to be extremely uplifting to my spirit. I remember two authors primarily from my childhood, Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein. They helped me fall in love with reading at an early age...Anyways...I'll leave you with my favorite Dr. Seuss quote EVER...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

God Works....

I got this email from a particularly fantastic website adailyproverb.com:

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9

Again...right on time...

Baby Boy

When I left my (in hindsight) cushy law clerk job to pursue my interests in the music industry, I was excited. Excited about the possibilities. Excited about meeting new people, some of them famous (a lil groupie-ish I kno). What I was most excited about was jumping into a culture surrounded by risk-takers. People that "bucked the system", created new trends. People that were willing to sacrifice everything for their dreams. What I didn't realize was in that jumping aboard that train, I also plunged myself into one of my worst nightmares; a vicious cycle of dependency upon others.

My first job I worked for free at a management/consulting company. I consulted clients on legal matters, educated them on the basics of contract law, etc. How was I able to work for free and still eat you ask? With the support of my girlfriend at the time (whom I had to move in with to take the job) and my mother who always supports me even when she knows I'm being a dumba$$. Fast forward about 2 years, and I have another "job" (also free) with a more prestigious company, working with some of the industry's best and brightest. Then, my girlfriend at the time and I break up. Guess what Jody? Pack your sh*t and kick rocks. Ok. Bet. I end up moving in with another guy that I started working for (not quite free, but close) who also works with some of the industry's best and brightest. Fast forward another year. I attain my epiphany that I wrote about a couple weeks ago, and commit myself to finding a job and getting into law school. "Boss" notices the extra time I spend on the computer. He notices the law school informational letters I get almost everyday. "Boss" says to me, "I think you have another agenda, like you don't really wanna be here." I respond with silence (telling myself I saw this comin). "Boss" says, "I think it's best we part ways now before money shows up. You can stay while you're working out your job and new living situation." Ok. Bet.

Had a long conversation with my mom (my rock) about the whole situation and after she gives me what amounts to an hour long "I told you so", she says some deep sh*t:

"You never really learn who you are until you learn how to take care of yourself. Being able to build and sustain that kind of independence always gives you a hope. A hope that no matter what happens, you can get through it...See, that was yo daddy's problem (starts soundin like Charlie Brown's teacher)..."

Word. I've learned a lot about myself in the time that I've separated from my on-and-off SO of about 7 years. I honestly didn't know as much as I thought I did about myself. I really had no clue what to do without her. Were the things I wanted to do what I really wanted to do or were they things I trained myself to enjoy in a relationship? I have since gained much more insight about myself, but there was always a feeling of slight discontentment with my disposition in life. I knew it was time for me to take the next step and I know this is the impetus God has given me to make that next step. I have a new job (thank God!) and am currently dreaming about what I would put in an apartment that was mine, all mine. Ain't gonna be no ni@@a in the kitchen butt naked making breakfast (not that that's ever happened to me before, but you get the reference). If any ni@@a in the kitchen butt naked, it's gonna be ME.

I can't wait...

"Discontent is want of self-reliance; it is infirmity of will."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fact vs. Opinion

Too many people, myself sometimes included, have the irritating tendency to state their opinion as fact. As an admitted (and hopefully reformed) perpetrator, I can say that it comes from an arrogant inner belief that "I know more than you" therefore my opinion as compared to yours is more substantive. The "factual opinion" will come out dripping with condescension and you may notice your temper flaring up during the discussion but I implore you to reconsider. Any noticeable anger will only be seen as further confirmation by the perpetrator that he/she is indeed more intellectual than you as you cannot control your emotions in debate.

The funny thing about people that engage in this form of assertions, they are, more often than not, wrong about whatever they are discussing. Condescension is used as a tool to manipulate the emotions of their opponent because they, again more often than not, lack the proper amount of knowledge required about the subject to continue the intellectual discourse. Another typical attribute of these perpetrators is they tend to take a dissenting opinion as a personal attack, therefore they may resort to ad hominem attacks to systematically deconstruct, not only the challenging commentary, but the commentator as well.

The key to defeating these arrogant and petty methods is to understand what they are at their base; arrogant and petty individuals. There is no need to indulge their self-serving assertions much of the time. If there is ever a time when you must engage the ignorance head-on, remember to remain calm at all times, do your best to keep the focus of discussion on the topic at hand, keep the debate as short as possible, and take solace in the idea that with every battle with ignorance, you become more adept at discerning its origins and dismantling its foundations. Good luck.

PS - For the record a FACT is something that can be proved or backed up with evidence. An opinion is based on a belief or view. Facts are facts, and we hope opinions are conclusions based UPON facts.

ADD Blog

- Obama does NOT deserve the Nobel Peace Prize...how's YOUR healthcare looking?

- I went to Sonic for the first time Friday and let my inner fat boy out. It was ugly. I won't give the details. Just know that if I plan on keeping my current weight (183lbs), I won't be takin my black a$$ there again anytime soon.

- I had my first "I think I'm getting old" moment Friday night. One of the lil homies had his 20 birthday party at his crib and I stopped through to give him my blessing. After about 20 mins, I noticed the room full of skinny jeans and extremely too loud talking and said to myself "Wtf am I doin here?!" I exited stage left promptly.

- We've all heard of the pretty women problem of thirsty negroes tryin to holla while they're shoppin at wal-mart/target. What we haven't heard enough of is the handsome negro problem of thirsty females tryin to make eye contact while you shoppin at wal-mart/target tryin to get you to holla at them. It's called esteem of SELF simpleb#@ch...

- Note to women...if that ain't yo man...he's DEFINITELY gonna show those pictures and/or videos of yo butt booty naked a$$ to ALL of the homies...you know it. He knows it. Stop actin so d@mn green...

- I realized yet again how much a dude will change about himself if he really likes a girl watchin one of the homies fall in love (AGAIN). It's absolutely amazing how a special woman can change a man. I know me personally, I'd much rather take a dinner and a movie than a night out at the club any day (If I like ya)....I'd prefer a day chillin at the crib with movie rentals, fattening food, and moscato over dinner and a movie or a night out at the club any day (If I REALLY like ya)...

- These last few months of the year are going to be good...I can feel it!

YEZIR!!!!

Here's to hoping Detox comes out before I die...

New Theme Song

From Hot Sh*t 2 Not Sh*t

Have you ever wanted something for a long time? I mean got really excited about the possibility of getting something, and then you see the wrong person with it and you don't want it anymore?

Maybe it's just me, but that happened to me yesterday. I had my interview for a new job yesterday (which I got btw), and the guy who was interviewing me had a Blackberry Bold. I've been with AT&T for a couple of years now and I was so gassed up about this month because I'm eligible for an upgrade and I wanted to get the Bold. I've had a Curve for what seems like ages, and nobody could convince me otherwise about getting the Bold. If I had $300 in my pocket, I don't care if it was the Bold or food, I was getting the d@mn phone (ni@@erish I know, but we all have our vices). Anyways, I was turned off by the interviewer from the jump because the whole time he was asking me questions, he was checking emails on his crackberry. Lord knows I understand how it is hard to put that thing down when you get into e-beast mode, but I do my best not to disrespect anyone with my BB-gangsta. He keeps saying how sorry he is that he's got the d@mn phone to his face like a Gameboy (did I just say that?) while I'm talking all professional-like, and I of course, tell him not to worry because what else am I gonna say? Put down your phone and interview me like a real person (how to lose a job before you get it 101)? The whole time I'm talking to him and looking at the back of his Bold, I kept thinking to myself, "That phone ain't the bizness like that." I knew it wasn't about the phone it was about him. I found myself sizing up everything about him on some super hater-ish. "His shirt ain't all that. He sittin here poppin, but he can't be getting the money he say he gettin. He ain't no fly dude...whoopty whoop" The end result of our interview was me not wanting the Bold anymore and now I'm online looking at iPhones. Which I swore I would never buy until exactly one day ago. Ain't that some sh*t...

Judge Dredd

In 2009, I've tried to work on being less judgmental. I've spent a lot of my life judging others and painting people with large paintbrushes. This was fine with me until I was put in a situation where someone I cared about was (in my opinion) judgmental of me. It struck me when I pleaded that just because I lied, I'm not a liar. Just because I cheated, I'm not a cheater. I then saw the situation for what it was. God wanted to humble me. Up until that point, I had many discussions with people about my very "black-and-white" perspective on life. You were either right or wrong. You were either good or bad. It worked for me because my mind had created a world where I was always right and I was always good. When I went through that situation, for the first time in my life, I questioned whether or not I was a good person. I questioned everything about myself. Am I a liar? Am I no good for anyone? Am I really that selfish? For a few months I beat myself up. I became a recluse. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to meet any new people. I felt that I didn't deserve to be seen. I felt I didn't even deserve to talk to my family for a time. "They're good people, I don't deserve to associate myself with them." Not until I realized that nobody is perfect could I look myself in the mirror. I had to learn how to forgive myself. I had to acknowledge the many shades of gray that colour the world. Now, when someone does something that I think is wrong, I don't quickly jump on my soapbox and condemn. I don't even mentally jump to a conclusion about their character. I simply let it be. It isn't my duty to correct or admonish them. Change is an internal process not an external one. My only job is to focus on MY path, work on MY faults, and in doing that I hope to attract others who do the same and inspire those who do not.

"When we see men of contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves."
- Confucius

The Light Is On

Had a job interview today...I think it went well, but I'll find out tomorrow if they like me enough to give me a job. I really hope they do. I feel like, in the situation that I'm in, living with my co-workers, people tend to de-value what I do. At first I was mad, but then I told myself that I can't be mad at human nature. When people have the ability to have use you on an almost "on-call" basis all day every day, they don't have the time to appreciate what you do because there's never a time when you're not there.

For so long (almost 2 and a half years), I've sacrificed how I want to live now, for where I want to be later. Not that that's a bad thing, but I think I may have taken that ethos to the extreme. I've been exploring the music industry for some time now, and learned a lot about myself. I've been broker than broke, and I've been just okay, but I've yet to maximize my earning power in this industry. One thing I've noticed in this industry is that many people (like myself)do dumb things (ie don't get regular jobs) because of this ideal of "sacrifice". We almost attach a kind of nobility to being broke until we "make it". We create illogical barriers such as "I can't get a job, because if I do, people in the industry might see me working, and that will hurt my reputation in the business." How foolish is this arguing why you can't get a job, but also argue that you have to make it a point to look like you have money. We perpetuate this "fake it 'til you make it" proverb, which only continues the vicious cycle of ni@@az doin ni@@a sh*t.

I say all of that to say, that I now refuse to live this life anymore. I refuse to be the best dressed poor guy you know (clothes bought when I HAD a job). Today I watched someone go through their phone looking for someone they could borrow gas money from, get the money, come back and put on a $600 outfit (literally) and go about their business. I'm not judging in any way, because I am guilty of committing the same act of coonery (not quite $600, but maybe $150). I only use that as a microcosm of what is going on in this industry.

To paraphrase the famous Pogo quote: I have met the enemy, and he is I.

The Wrap Up

Haven't posted in a few days, so just gonna bounce around to sum up the last couple days...

- Got a call from an old homie from college. It was great to catch up and talk about how things are going with each other. Oddly enough, we got closer after college. We're just on the same page about a lot of things in our lives, and it was great to hear about him a semester away from finishing law school. He doesn't know it, but I admire him in a way.

- My sister and I have communicated in some way or form (via phone or text) for the last week and a half. We haven't talked this much since high school and I LOVE IT. I had called her a couple months ago and just apologized to her for not fulfilling my end as her brother and promised to put more effort in letting her know that I care for her and have her back whenever she needs me. It feels good to see how that is paying off for both of us.

- My feelings were kind of hurt this week by an artist I work with, that made a comment to me on the phone, that let me know that he doesn't really appreciate what I do for him. Among other things, I gave this broke a$$ negro one of my double waffles at Waffle House the other day. For those that know me, I've never been too giving with my food, to say the least. And I WANTED that d@mn double waffle too! I've decided to distance myself for a bit and keep our relationship more "business".

- I got a position working one day a week in the law offices of a prominent judge and entertainment lawyer. I'm EXCITED!!!

- Today was Communion Sunday at church and the sermon was about "Re-commitment". The pastor asked if there was one aspect of your life that you could do again, which one would it be? My mind quickly created a laundry list. But the more I prayed on it, I knew that most of it was directly related to my steps away from the church. In my constant hustling, I stopped going to church and my life lost a lot of its direction. I'm in no way a bible-thumper or the most religious guy you would know, but I do understand the spiritual "food" that church gives me. With that, I've decided to "re-commit" myself to regular church attendance. Another step in the right direction.

- It's cold outside. Time to pull out the fall clothes.

- To be honest. Obama is disappointing me a little bit. He's sinking into what I was afraid of, doing so many things that nothing gets done. Healthcare no. Immigration no. Afghanistan no. Promise of a "New Washington" no. The list can go on and on.

- I need a really good book. I've been reading nerdy stuff (legal history, american history, biographical) lately. I need something that just has a good story.

Current Playlist

Bonus:

Thinking Man's Moment

My sister sent me this...

"Choose your crowd wisely! Mediocrity seems like excellence when you're around a bunch of mediocre people."

- Rev Run



...She doesn't even know how much I needed to be reminded of that...God works in mysterious ways...

It's Gettin Cold Outside...

Throwing Stones From A Glass House

I like quotes. I meditate on them in my daily life. There are many quotes and proverbs that we all pass down and around that seemingly contradict themselves. One of those examples is "Don't throw stones from a glass house." This makes perfect sense right? Confucius also said, "Do not impose upon others what you do not desire for yourself." I tend to sum up these quotes with one word. Integrity. Integrity as a definition can be correlated to CONSISTENCY. Whether with words, actions, or outcomes, something with integrity is consistent in all of those aspects. Now another anecdote says, "You can learn a lot from a dummy." Also, makes sense. God veils the truth in many different packages, and just because the gift isn't in a color you would have chosen, doesn't make it any less the truth.

The problem I have is that I have is that much of my respect for an individual is directly related to my perception of their integrity. While I admit, that I currently am not an individual of the strictest integrity (something that I once was, and WILL return to being), I make an effort to avoid situations of "the pot calling the kettle black". I run into problems when I encounter individuals who seemingly have no qualms with this lack of integrity, dispensing wisdom with an underlying "do as I say, not as I do" philosophy. While I do my best to remember that that the truth is the truth, I find myself becoming increasingly irritated when I encounter these types of individuals. While I have decided that it isn't my job to tell people about themselves, I do struggle with my decision to "let go and let God". I guess this can best sum it up:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Movie Review

Tonight I said "F#@k it" and decided to watch The Notebook (It was on TV, I did NOT rent it). I've heard enough women say to me that you can't watch this movie without crying, but after watching, I must respectfully disagree. I'm not going to completely bash this movie, because I can see why millions of women would love this movie, but there was just WAY too much sappiness in this film. For one, in their "summer of love", Noah doesn't get any "love" until the last week! And she talked so d@mn much it didn't really count! Also, Ryan Gosling didn't really match the girl (who's a bada$$ white girl, btw) in acting prowess. In the scene which was supposed to be his emotional climax (where he talked about how she should stay with him and not leave again), he just didn't seem believable, and was almost laughable. Lastly, when they died together at the end, this was just over the top in foolishness. There were some scenes and situations that I was able to actual place myself in and feel the moment, it was just those scenes were overwhelmed by the movie's almost cartoonish predictability, character cliches, and sap.

What I will say is this movie addressed one of my biggest fears of growing old; Alzheimer's. It doesn't run in my family, but I'm definitely scared of growing old and forgetting all that God has given me in my lifetime. I can only imagine how painful it would be for those that loved me (I did feel pretty bad when Allie remembered Noah and forgot him 5 mins later). That honestly scares the crap outta me. But what will be will be. Anyways, would I watch it again? Pass. I'd rather watch Titanic.

Wisdom vs. Knowledge

I've always been someone people would categorize as smart or intelligent. I have always been curious, causing me to relish learning new things (things which I choose to learn at the time I choose to learn them, to be more specific). I've also been called "wise" by some. The latter of which I very much took to heart. I'm beginning to realize how much I and the people that referred to me as wise were misinterpreting the word. Many people, myself included, don't necessarily equate knowledge and wisdom, but we do underestimate the division between them. I, like most people, understand that knowledge and wisdom are associated, but the more I reflect, I'm discerning the link between the two. Knowledge has more to with the information that one's mind gathers and wisdom has more to do with how one's mind utilizes that information.

I was having a debate with someone today at the studio and, as anyone who knows me can attest to, I have the tendency to make it a point to assert my command of a subject rather than create a point of mutual understanding. That method of debate typically leads to an impasse, where everyone merely agrees to disagree and there is no real learning involved in the usually drawn out discussion. I noticed myself heading down that all too familiar path and I paused, took a breathe, and focused on finding a middle ground and then furthering the discussion from there (I also tend to use my listening skills to catch people misusing words, despite me knowing their intent, but that is another fault to be discussed another day). What I realized is wisdom is in that breathe that I took. Recognizing that the true goal of debate is to create a point of mutual understanding and learning between both parties and putting that realization in action is, to me, the very definition of a "wise" action. For a long time, I have used the knowledge that I gain to suppress the opinions and ideas of those who disagree with my own opinions and ideas. I have used my knowledge to destroy rather than build. Rome wasn't built in a day, but recognition is the beginning of all progress right?

"There are three methods to gaining wisdom. The first is reflection, which is the highest. The second is limitation, which is the easiest. The third is experience, which is the bitterest."
- Confucius

New Old Friends

Ran into some old friends that I hadn't seen in almost a year today. It was funny because I was just talking about one of them yesterday and I ran into him at the studio tonight. We did the usual "where you been ats?" and "What's goings ons?" and then just fell into the routine like we never missed a beat. What was noticeable to all of us was how much we had grown since then. One of the first thing one of my friends said about me was "your confidence is different". I noticed the same about them. One of them had a daughter since the last I saw him and I could see the maturity that having a child had generated within him. He was still a little bit of the same ol' silly self, but he definitely had an aura of being more aware of what was going on, something he lacked before. My other friend was still a little bit frustrated about his current situation but he had taken more control of his life, doing things like attaining his GED, and that made him a little more "matter-of-fact" when discussing his grievances, mentioning them not in an effort to suck people into his own misery, but merely to discuss his feelings, a huge difference, trust me.

All in all, I was reminded of how valuable time is. How so much can change about people in just a year. How critical events can shift mindsets so vigorously, pushing people in new directions, creating an almost natural selection scenario; adapt or perish. I think about how much I've changed since I last saw them, how much of my life has changed. I think about how much more I will change in the next year. How will I be one year from now? I know the more I delve into my ongoing process of self-examination, I can only improve. I'm excited for my future. I'm excited for what God has in store for me. I'm grateful for running into my "new old friends". After they left, I sent them a message letting them know that it was great to see them and that I missed them....A new me indeed...

Ho-Hum Birthday

My birthday was, to say the least, lackluster. I can come up with a bunch of bullsh*t reasons, but I know the real reason why. When you've been in a relationship for a long time (about 7 years in my case), when you break up, I mean really break up, it's extremely difficult to move on. I thought I had for the most part been able to at least deal with what I had done to put myself in this position and swallow the pill that the story of me and her won't end like a fairy tale, but it is just so d@mn hard. When you've gone through every significant event in your young adulthood with someone, there is a HUGE hole to fill when that person is gone. I've tried to fill that hole with positive things, like increased contact with family, working out, handling business, but if I learned anything today, that strategy isn't working. In the back of my mind, I hoped that maybe she would send a text or call, not to say anything more than happy birthday, but I know that is selfish of me to even hope that she would do that despite what I did. Today was actually pretty busy for me, because there was a lot of work to do, but there was definitely something (or more accurately someone) missing. Today isn't going down in my own personal history as "one to remember", I sincerely hope this is one I forget, the sooner the better.

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. Thank the Lord for another one. I figure what better way to start my birthday off than to go to 7:30am Sunday service? Haven't been to church in longer than I would like to admit. Need a good word and a better prayer. Never done this before...New year, new things!

Yesterday....

SUCKED...In a major way. Nothing went right. Everything was difficult. It was hard to be positive, but I made it through. I even went to bed early just to end it. Today will be better. I know it.

Thinking Man's Moment

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.”

- Benjamin Franklin


See...THAT'S why this guy is a legend!