Family

For thanksgiving I was gonna spend the day at my crib just chillin and maybe ordering some chinese food, but instead my homie randomly came through and told me to bring my a$$ to his man's crib to eat with his family. I reluctantly agreed, but at the end of the day I was glad I went. His mom made some bomb a$$ poundcake and cookies that made my inner fat boy spaz a lil bit. After that we went on a liquor run and I found out that they don't sell hard liquor on Thanksgiving, only beer and wine (wtf is what I said too). Ended up playing this drinking game with the homies and some random a$$ females. Note, I'm not a heavy drinker, so I don't really do drinking games. I prefer to drink enough to get a buzz then maintain through the evening. Needless to say, I was the first to quit the drinking game. Took my drunk a$$ home and called it a nite.

While I did have a good time yesterday, I met some cool people and had some good food, I found myself longing to be with my family. I called my mom and she told me that EVERYBODY was coming over to spend the day and they cooked tons of food. I would've killed to be there. I even found myself jealous of the homie whose house we were at. As I get older, the more I realize how important family is. It is an indescribable feeling to be in a room full of unconditional love. It is a feeling we sometimes take for granted. I know I used to.

No Rest 4 the Weary

Got about 2 hours of sleep between my last blog and right now, so it's safe to say that I'm running on fumes. I would like to go to sleep, but I gotta pick up the homey after his meeting downtown (kinda late for a meeting I know, but music people sleep all day so this is right on schedule).

All in all today was cool. I worked out by myself, then worked out again when one of our clients came over. He likes a workout buddy so I get it in with him to keep him motivated. We did a little mile and a half jog around the neighborhood today and in the middle of it some little kids asked us to hoop with them, and me being me, I can't say no to hoops, so we played some 2 on 2 for about an hour with some 15 yr olds. Just my luck, the one who picked me is garbage, but I carried him to victory 2 games outta 3. I had to call the homey an a$$hole because on one play, he knocked over my teammate to get a loose ball. How you gonna knock over a little kid for a loose ball in his frontyard? A$$HOLE. Anyways, we finished the run then got a little weight lifting in to top it off so that was the bizzy. I'm getting to the point where I actually somewhat enjoy running. It definitely gives me an opportunity to think things (like my life) through without so much "mental noise" created by everyone talking and asking me things. I don't anticipate ever enjoying it to the point that I get Olympic Long Distance Runner skinny, but I don't agonize over doing it as a part of my workout routine like I used to do.

On another note, I decided to rock my glasses today and everybody got jokes. Question; why can't black people just say, "Hey, I like your new _____" instead of the usual underhanded compliment? Somebody answer me that PLEASE. It's not like I'm gonna take the compliment and run with it (I will admit I might...), and if I did, it would only be because of the overall lack of compliments so when I receive one, I know I must savor the moment.

In other news, I called my mom today and she didn't call me back. BOO. I also had the intentions of calling my cousin that stays out here in Atlanta to try to get up with him this weekend, but that idea got lost all in the sauce. DOUBLE BOO. Hopefully after I get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, I'll be able to operate with a higher level of mental functioning. We'll see....

Family

I'm currently in Ohio seeing my family (most of us are in Ohio). Everytime I come back, I get an overwhelming sense of self-confidence and reassurance. As far as self-confidence, I don't think outwardly I have any problems with it, but I know that sometimes my self-confidence comes across as arrogance and that is an internal issue of self-confidence. Internally, self-confidence isn't spoken, it's felt. I know we could always use reassurance, especially when we are at somewhat of a crossroads in our lives, which I feel like I'm in right now. Seeing family reminds me that no matter what, whichever path I choose, however I may feel about myself, there are those that love me absolutely unconditionally. It is my goal for this year to strengthen my communication with them while I'm away so I can tap into those feelings when I'm not around. When I see them, I see me. I see six of us sleeping feet to head in a twin bed. Baths in the kitchen sink. I see times where all we had was our love for each other and us being together to make it through. I see how my cousins' faces light up when they see me, the one in Atlanta "doing big things." I feel my need to make it happen not only for me, but for them. I see my little brothers, who are so excited to have an older brother and want to follow me everywhere I go and never want me to leave. I see a lot of things. But the most important thing I see is the love we all have for each other and how I know that love is NEVER going anywhere.

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." ~George Eliot