So today I was kinda frustrated with everybody at the crib today. While I was at work, my roommate called me and said that the cable was turned off. I told him I would take care of it when I got off. I get back, handle it ($300 worth of handlin), and then I feel this overwhelming feeling of frustration. I was frustrated with the situation I'm in. After my man takin me in, and I'm assuming taking care of the bills, I get a job only to find out that in fact he WASN'T takin care of the bills and now it feels like everyone looks to me to handle all of the bills now (of which all have past due balances). I felt frustrated at paying $500 in two weeks to catch up the cable bill. I'm frustrated that I know next week there's gonna be another bill for me to take care of. I'm frustrated that I have my own bills to take care of at the same time. I'm frustrated that I'm taking care of men almost twice my age. I'm frustrated that having money hasn't brought me closer to them but made me feel more distant.
I know that he and I had a conversation about me possibly moving out last week, but there is no way for me to be able to do that if I'm paying all the bills each month. I feel like my bank account has a leak in it. A leak that keeps coming back. If I get a week to save a check, the next week something "needs to be paid" so I lose that money as quick as I got it. I don't want to internalize my frustration and eventually take it out on people I consider to be my friends, so I'm blogging. But this is, at times, very frustrating. My mom always told me never let someone take care of you, because eventually, they will lose respect for you. I couldn't have said it better myself...
About Me
- E
- Atlanta, Georgia
- "Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness." - Jean Vanier
3 comments:
I feel you. I guess I see it from 2 angles as it relates to me. I lost my job after my father passed last summer. I used most of my saving to bury my father and didnt know that my employer was going to fight me on the unemployment. All that to say that I am thankful for my good friend (roommate) that kept us afloat. I oftem felt very guilty for my situation and prayed that it would not strain our friendship. It was tough on me since I am such an independant person. I tried to do all that I could to contribute to our household the best that I could. I often felt the strain but she felt mine too. I am not a lazy person and I dont like be able to contribute but I tried to express my profound appreciation as much as possible and let her know that I did not want her to feel any negative kind of way. I am thankful for that. I think that people should respect their relationships and I understand as a man it is different. I often say that people are in your life for a season and when they show who they are...
Sometimes we have to say no and walk away especially when respect is lost. I am sorry that you are feeling and seeing these things. pray and stay grounded and dont let people take you outside of who you are striving to be.
I appreciate your comment lady! I am indeed talkin to the Lord about it...my feelings about this whole situation are confusing...I go back and forth everyday...
You do what you have to do sweetie. take your time and let Him guide you.
Peace and Contentment to you.
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