Barbershop Talk

Wasn't at the barbershop today (even though I need to go) but we were at the house today having some powerful conversation about relationships. Let me first start off with noting all of my homies are 30 and up, so what made this conversation so powerful to me is these were grown a$$ men who've seen it all and done it all having this conversation.

It started off with the continuation of a conversation we were having yesterday, where one of the homies *Dave* was talking about how he handles his girl's attitude and my other homie *Nate* was saying that just because you do something doesn't make that way the right way to handle it. Today my other homie *Bill* came over and was talking about how him and his girl of 5 years operate. He said that she lets him go out at night and not come back until 6am because she understands that he's a night owl, and he'll usually spend all day with her and then leave all night. We all started to call him out on that bullsh*t until he corrected himself and said that that's how they operate so it's ok. So then Nate went into the same conversation of just because you do that and she accepts it doesn't make it right, and if that woman really cares about you, she doesn't really like that, but she allows it because she may not want to start an argument. Bill argued that he can't stay in the house all night because he gets bored, causing us all to blurt "cop out!" because we all know that is just an excuse Bill uses to go out and do his dirt if he has to. After Bill finally admitted that was wrong what he's doing, but she lets him do it so he's going to continue, we left his sad a$$ alone and moved to Dave. Background on Dave, he always comes over and bi#$hes about his girl and how she disrespects him and they argue a lot blah blah. Well we all used to comment about it, but we leave it alone now because we all now know that he's just venting and he really loves this girl or else he wouldn't choose to continue to deal with her and her "problems". Anyways, Dave goes in on his girl again and how she did this, that whatever, and went into talking about anything he may have done to make her that way. He said that in the past he had ping-ponged with her and his baby mama for a time and then he stopped after they both found out. He said that was a year ago, so he thinks it's unfair that she would hold that over him. Nate talked about how she may have a trust issue and this industry and how we move surely doesn't help, so you can't be mad that she may still struggle with it. Dave fought for a minute, but then he agreed and said the problem was communication. Nate had noted that the other things that she does that Dave may find disrespectful may be a symptom of the real problem which is loneliness, stress from her job, anything.

All in all, we talked about a million things, such as cheating, getting cheated on, settling down, respecting and understanding your woman, compromising to make it work, and how to appreciate the woman that you truly think is the one. This is yet another example of why I cherish this time in my life, I've never before heard black men (former street dudes at that) talk about how to love a woman and the highs and lows that come along with doing that. Father figures are so very very important in the life of a young man, and to be honest, all of my father figures were my sports coaches and all we ever talked about was sports. I'm realizing the hole that has been in my heart and I thank God for putting me in a situation where it can get filled. I see how young black men get caught in the vicious cycle of fulfilling the negative black male stereotype. It's the lack of having a black man say to them, "I've been through this so you don't have to, so sit your a$$ down and listen here." I have been listening, and will continue to do so.

"If the past cannot teach the present and the father cannot teach the son, then history need not have bothered to go on, and the world has wasted a great deal of time."
- Russell Hoban


...indeed.